Got a plan

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by weirdal, Aug 23, 2007.

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  1. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    i finally have devised a plan to end my life but there is still a tiny tiny bit of me that wants to hang on,doesnt want me to fade away into existence but is that tiny bit enough?

    i want to live, have the life i see my friends having and most of all i want to feel wanted. But i dont know how much longer i can hold on.

    I'm 14 and self harm,have severe depression,have severe binge eating, hate and am hated by my parents, failing school, have no purpose in life.

    Is the any point staying here?

    I dont think it will be possible to get help, my parents are the most selfish twats who dont realize that i have feelings, think its ok to spit in my face, take the piss out of my weight, make fun of me because they found my old suicide note, and i cant get theapory or anything without them knowing can i.

    i dont think i will ever be or feel love again for my heart has been broken too many times, even by the people i live with.

    Basically i dont know what to do

    Im worried about what is after life

    but then it seems like such an alternative

    im just so lost and broken i hate myself, i hate life and i hate the fact people all over the world are dying from thirst and here i am complaining abotu life but if i could switch lifes i would

    i dont deserve shit

    well.... thanks for reading

    love anyone who read all of this

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2007
  2. Kibure

    Kibure Member

    Honey that isn't true. I have been there, walked through the desert that you are traversing. And the only reason I came out the other side was I found something that needed me.

    When I was 15 I was very poor, envied the life that everyone else had. I was depressed and in a great amount of pain all the time. I thought the best way out of things was to try and end the pain. So on Christmas eve, after a particularly bad episode, I gathered my courage and my vicodin pills and was about to put myself to sleep for good. However there was a knock at the door and a tiny kitten, not old enough to be taken from it's mother, was needing help. I saved that kitten, and she saved me. Since I have felt again like taking the final steps, and the only thing that holds me back is I made a promise to someone I love more than anything.

    Life may seem empty and terrible sometimes but there are things out there, waiting for us and needing us. It is harder to stay than it is to go but if you look you may find the direction in life.

    I don't believe in the christian religion. But the fact that you are hesitating may mean that you are not ready, or that there is some other purpose you were meant to serve yet. Take another look around, and perhaps things will clarify for you. Best of luck hon. :hug:
  3. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    yes i hope i can find a purpose, even if i make one person on this planet a happier person i will feel a great sense of achievement, but will that ever come. i hope so before its to late

    thanks you for posting

  4. Kibure

    Kibure Member

    It is harder to go through something like this when you have no one who you feel understands what is happening. That is another point I understand all to well as when I was going through the original problems my family didn't understand and my friends were so distant it was hard to make contact. Good luck with finding your purpose, I suggest thinking about volunteering somewhere nearby. Like a kennel, nursing home, or daycare center. If you get involved it is harder to dwell on your problems, and can often help you work through them.

    Good luck hon, the hardest step you ever take is the first step up the hill. After that your feet just follow.
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