Got fired third time in two years

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Herakles, Sep 18, 2014.

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  1. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    Hi all, I am a computer engineer who has degrees from reputable universities. I have masters from McGill and undergraduate from another reputable university in my country. I always did my job when I got employed. However, I got fired three times:

    1. In February 2013 they told me they do not want to work with me anymore and that was it

    2. In September 2013 there was a huge layoff in the company I was working and for sure they got rid if me because I am stupid I guess

    3. Just recently, I was employed 2 months ago but they fired me saying: lack of communication.

    I used to make good money as well but now I am almost homeless , so I would like to kill myself. I can't work in software industry anymore and I am stupid so I can not do anything, so I want to end my life.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi Herakles - I find it highly unlikely that you are stupid. I do not know you, so please do not be offended, but from the reasons you have given (that you were given) for being fired, I would suggest that your social skills/communication skills are the problem when it comes to work.

    I worked with a Dev guy who was so incredibly smart and skilled - but his communication skills were so poor that it made him unapproachable and made it really hard for stakeholders to discuss with him development needs and therefore his capacity to do his job was diminished.

    You do not need to kill yourself - you can make good money again and you can learn better communications. In the first instance, get yourself a decent linkedin and on freelance sites like elance, and people per hour. You can make money and communicate via email (which should be easier). Your skills are worth money and people will hire freelancers more readily than take people onto their workforce, as they don't have to deal with sick, unemployment benefit or vacation time etc.

    Find yourself a doctor, explain that you feel suicidal, get referred for some therapy and ask for help with your people/communication skills. Approach it like learning any other skill - observe and practice.

    Good Luck! :hug:
  3. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    The only reason I can't end my life is because my dad has high blood pressure so he can't deal with me dying now and my mom has an important disease so I should never make her feel sad, but otherwise I would definitely kill myself now. My parents live in another country and they are very good financially but I would die rather than being a parasite. Tried my best to kill myself by eating unhealthy and getting lots of weight but unfortunately I am still alive
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2014
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    when you apply for new jobs, what good things do your previous employers say in the reference about you?
  5. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    not much, first one once called me to the room and said: you have potential so you can be important for the future of the company but you made me the impression that: whenever we give you a task, we need to explain how to do it to you. If you learn to be more independent, you can be great. In the same organization another manager I had said: you work hard but more creativity needed.

    In the second organization, the manager said: you are quick learner and you work hard but you surf the web a lot during the job.

    In the last one, manager really hated me and I think it was the reason she fired me, she never said anything good about me and she told these bad things to another guy who introduced me to that company: he is lacking communication skills, he gives short answers and I am never sure we are on the same path with him. He is paid much more than he deserves because tasks he does could be done by a junior engineer, he is not a good fit for testing team.

    So, basically, there are no good things I heard from previous managers, I meant that when I said I am stupid.
  6. FMyLife

    FMyLife Chat Buddy

    Sometimes things don't work out for reasons that we don't know or can't comprehend. Just remember that there is something for everyone and that you gotta keep pushing forward. You are not stupid. You are not worthless.
  7. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    There is something for everyone and there has only been torture for me in this world, I just do not want to suffer anymore.
  8. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    fact you passed and graduated proves you are not stupid.
    i think problem lies socially and this problem made you slower at work and less creative.

    how are you on the relationship/friend front?
  9. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    I had girlfriends and I find one once a while. I am too ugly to date with many girls. There were so many situations that I had to fight with friends and I had to remove so many enemies from my life. I have a few good friends.
  10. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Hi Herakles, I'm someone who doesn't have good communication skills too. If I had your credentials, I would probably not work very long as a permanent staff in any company. In other words, I would probably free-lance and go for temporary jobs until I'm ready to start a home-based business.

    This may come across as irksome to you, but I can't help but feel in a way you are fortunate. Why? Because you have all this feedback from your previous superiors and if at anytime, there is something you feel you need to and are ready to change, you can just start doing. You would have saved time on asking others who may not understand completely your situation as they may not have any real work experience in those companies you were in.

    You have a few good friends and this shows you do have a part of you who knows to communicate with people. You probably need someone who can guide you to hone that foundation of communication skills and slowly, you will find more doors opening up to you.

    I don't have a single good friend and I hope you will not give easily on what you already have and apparently cherish.

    Keep posting. We are listening.
  11. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    It is definitely not easy to be a freelancer in information technology because there are so many smart people doing it. I told my family that I want to work as a waiter or taxi driver but they said no , I think waiter or taxi driver or even security guard( I am a bit big and strong guy) can be better for me since they do not require being intelligent
  12. random33

    random33 Well-Known Member

    Your vision of yourself is distorted right now, I've been there, you are obviously an intelligent person, your depression just doesn't let you see it. You need to take care of yourself, please seek counseling, get better and when your mind is clearer you will find it a lot easier to make major decisions about your life.
  13. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    I've done waiter jobs and I can say it does require intelligence or wit. When you meet difficult guests, you have to be firm in your replies and make sure that your overall body language still conveys the message that you are to help the guest get what he wants without compromising hotel rules or hygiene regulations. My personal experience and observation is there is no job that doesn't require intelligence - only at a different level, in a different form.
  14. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    I do not mean waiter is easy, it is very difficult but it is mostly working with your physical strength, but computers is mostly working with your IQ, of course every job requires different skills and none of them are easy and we all have to make living so we sometimes need to do a job we hate, like I worked for software quality assurance department
  15. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    random's advice of counselling sounds good to me. or cognitive.
    so you wanna try out a new career, go for it
  16. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    I already have a therapist. I have always been the biggest victim in my life. I lost all jobs I had. I have too many enemies. I am a young guy at 28 but I don't usually get dates. I am overweight. I don't have hobbies because no matter what I do I do it bad so I don't want to do anything. I am going to live until I die but I hope I don't live long so that suffering ends as early as possible. I have no expectations from the shitty life, I just want to die as early as possible. The only reason I won't kill myself is just my parents. Other than them, everyone hates me, so if I die tomorrow, only my parents are going to be sad.
  17. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    What has your therapist been saying about your issues? What kind of plans or activities has he or she been doing with you at each session with regards to those issues?

    Other than being a little underweight for my height, I share the same strong feelings about my life. I used to think that I'm not kiling myself because I'm gonna to make them sad if I do that. But after thinking a bit further (actually a few months ago), I realised that is not the complete truth.

    Unless your parents are totally ignorant of how you have been doing at your jobs, your social life and your level of self-esteem all these years, they will naturally worry and feel sad somehow that they are unable to help you much.

    The only difference is, given a scale of one to ten (with ten being the maximum level of sadness or grief), they will experience life-long sadness or grief hovering at levels 8-10 if you kill yourself.

    P.S: even for jobs that require mostly physical strength, intelligence or IQ is still very much essential, just at a different level or in a different form. Too much or too little strength exerted for different situations can create problems for everyone.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2014
  18. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    Ok than people who do not have much intelligence should definitely kill themselves since they can not do any job
  19. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    That's a very good reason to kill yourself, being stupid so not being able to work in computer software industry , I don't have any other job , this is the only one I have so if I am not able to do this one, I can not make a living so a very good reason to kill myself
  20. Herakles

    Herakles Member

    Life sucks, I am going to be homeless after 2-3 years since I got fired from a job. I applied for graduate school because I HATE worklife since it is full of assholes and bad people. I hope my previous manager dies, I pray God for that every day. Life is bad but at least there is death, which means suffering is going to end one day.
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