I actually dont know why I am writin this but I am a 30 year old mother of four children who has been through a lot of bad experiences and for so long I hid away from them refusing to believe that they happened. This time though I cant hide away any longer. I am so broke inside that I am unfixable. At the moment I actually feel quite calm inside - not agitated like I usually am. I know what I am going to do and when and where. I just cant do this anymore. I dont want to exist! Ive had enough and want off now!