got it planned

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by boopy, Apr 28, 2008.

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  1. boopy

    boopy Member

    I actually dont know why I am writin this but I am a 30 year old mother of four children who has been through a lot of bad experiences and for so long I hid away from them refusing to believe that they happened. This time though I cant hide away any longer. I am so broke inside that I am unfixable. At the moment I actually feel quite calm inside - not agitated like I usually am. I know what I am going to do and when and where. I just cant do this anymore. I dont want to exist! Ive had enough and want off now!
     
  2. ari

    ari Staff Alumni

    hi Boopy
    Welcome to the site. I am sorry that you have been dealing with some things that you have tried to deny for so long. Do you have a therapist? IF you feel like you are in immediate crisis I urge you to call a crisis line in your area, a hospital, or emergency room. I hope you will find some support here at the site that will help you gain some strength to not go through with your plans. Take care and be safe. ari
     
  3. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Accepting the things that have happened to you may actually help you in the long run! You can't change who you are until you accept who you are, and since it's been so long since you've come to terms with yourself, it can't be easy, but once you settle down you can change.

    So.. don't make a date, don't make a plan, instead... distract yourself for a short time until you can think straight. It's amazing what a few day can do. One day you might be miserable, but the next could be fine. When you're feeling like you are now, don't take it for granted.
     
  4. pastelmoon

    pastelmoon Active Member

    What about your children? If you can't find strength for yourself at least have it for them. Please talk to me or anyone on this forum. I'm sure you will find some comfort here. Killing yourself is not the answer. *hugs*
     
  5. boopy

    boopy Member

    I o/d but before I could take a substantial amount the police arrived and called the ambulance who then in turn tried calling my drs but they were closed for the afternoon. they tried to get me to go into hospital voluntarily but I hate hospitals so the paramedics took me to see the duty psychiatry person plus a social worker who then asked the most awkward questions - i.e., How are you feeling - I honestly have no emotion. I am home just now but just feel the same. I cant say that I wont do it I still feel and think the same - I dont want to exist. I know that thinking of my children should make me want to be alive but I know that they have a better chance of life without me mucking it up. Things are just too dark right now. I am sorry for being so depressing and I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to my posts.
     
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