Got nothing and no one.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ken5555, Jan 8, 2016.

  1. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    I dont have anyone, no one cares. i spend most my time in my one room apartment thinking how terrible of a person i am. One day I went to a bridge to end it all. I though things like, willit work or will ithurt? I didnt do it, my mom still cares about me and she would be devestated by that, i only see her a couple times a year. I dont know what to do. Every night is hell just putting myself down and getting angry at myself.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Talk to your mom ok she will help you get support to decrease the depression you are in talk to someone you trust there is help out there please reach out for it.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Ken and welcome to the forum.
    I am glad you joined and decided to post and share your thoughts and feelings with us. That is a first step towards your recovery. Would perhaps making a trip to see your mom help you right now? Is that possible?
    Do you want to talk about why you feel so down and alone?
    I assure you that you are not alone here. Here we care and we do understand so keep us updated.
     
  4. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    No I cant go see my mom, I just saw her, I don;t know what to say, I have no one, I have actually no friends or anyone here who cares what happens to me. Sometimes I feel like I deserve this.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Do you work? I am like you, very few friends, zero ones that don't just want gossip or using me. I volunteer and I also am joining some groups next week to get to know people. Would you consider doing the same? We could be buddies and motivate each other. You may be alone in real life but no one is ever alone on this site. We're a friendly bunch here :) I hope you decide to stick around, don't worry about not knowing what to say, a lot of us are socially awkward hence why we're on here. But feel free to tell us more about yourself.
     
  6. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    Currently I am taking classes now trying to get a degree. I do work, but not very much.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Oh, good luck with your classes! What are you trying to get a degree in? What kind of work do you do?
     
  8. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    I am a lifeguard. I am trying to get a physics degree, get a real job after I guess.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    wow a life guard! What a rewarding job that must be. Best of luck getting your physics degree. See you have dreams and they are obtainable so keep all that in mind when you are feeling down,bring out the best in yourself instead of looking at all the negatives, I know that's easier said than done but that is the best thing you can do. Have you seen a professional for your depression? Medications might help ease your symptoms and therapy too.
     
  10. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    A "real job" is not a dream. I can't afford a therapist or meds.
     
  11. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    and no, working parttime at the run down ymca is not very rewarding.
     
  12. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Does your school have a counsellor?
     
  13. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    I doubt it, I live off campus
     
  14. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Even if you live off campus, most schools have health services, like a clinic. I'm not sure where you are but does your school have health insurance, I know mine does.
     
  15. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    I'll look into it, not sure I want to if the have it
     
  16. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    What you do is up do you. Please stay safe, you're important and you matter. *hugs*
    Does your school have clubs, they're a great way to meet people.
    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
     
  17. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Ken, wow, physics. I have trouble spelling it, let alone studying it. You are amazing! And you deserve to feel much better then you do! What kind of things do you enjoy? If you understand physics, you must be pretty smart. Could you tutor other students at your school? Do they have a swim team, or is there one close by? You could meet some new people there, and the activity could make you feel better. Are there first aid classes you could take or possibly teach. Try and think of some other possibilities for activities you would enjoy and that would get you out of your apartment for a while.
     
  18. Ken5555

    Ken5555 Member

    Its not any harder than any other major. I have pretty good grades. I am an athlete, I run track. It is hard and I am thinkin about quitting. The team is pretty cut throat. I don't think the other atheletes are very fond of me. Getting a scholarship which almost makes it worth while. I don't do very well and it really isn't enjoyable. Sorry to sound negative and I am sure people here have much worse problems.