Got out of the Hospital Yesterday...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Amanda, Oct 3, 2010.

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  1. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I got out of the hospital yesterday before lunch, I have been too ill from the effects of what I did to post prior to now.

    On Wednesday evening I went out with friends had a couple of drinks and then came back home. At about midnight I overdosed, what at the hospital I would later find out was a fatal amount... anyway after doing it, I dunno why I called a crisis line, and basically said this is what I have done, I told them my first name and the city I was calling from as it was a province-wide crisis line. I asked them if I hung up if they would call the cops. Anyway I hung up and passed out.

    I guess this unleased an interesting chain of events as the crisis line called back but I live in the dorms on campus and so they got the front desk but didnt know my extension and only my first name. So they called the police and the police came and with the help of the front desk they got the room numbers of everyone named Amanda in my building and commenced a floor-by-floor search. Anyway luckily I am the Amanda who lives closest to the ground floor and so they found me passed out. The pills spread out on my desk and me semi-conscious in shock having a seizure gave me away as the one.

    The police called for an ambulance and the ambulance came, and they took me away. At the hospital they decided it was too late for charcoal and so they gave me this chemical detoxicant by IV to clean out my liver. It took like 35 hours, but luckily I didnt do any permanent liver damage.

    They told me that if they police hadnt found me when they did if I had even come in an hour later I would most likely have died the levels of the substance I chose were so high.

    Psychiatry wouldnt see me until I was medically stable so I didnt end up seeing them until late Friday morning but they let me out. I dont know why; If I were them I wouldnt have let me out.

    ...I still feel kinda down mentally, and pretty crappy physically... Like I have been repeatedly punched in the guts... I felt so naseated yesterday when I came home from the hospital, but I think I am getting better. I didnt realize how many people cared about me, people at school were so worried, about me and so sad when they found out where I went.

    Anyway, I have to wait for a referral to see the psychiatrist, and I really hope that I can handle it. It was really horrible, and I would totally not recommend overdosing on anything to anyone under any circumstances. It sucked, it hurt, and it was pretty scary, and I feel like shit afterwards.

    Anyway I really hope that I can keep it together until I get to see the psychiatrist.
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Lean on us to keep it together till then hun.
    I'm happy your still here with us and they found you in time.
    I think it is stupid that they let you out, thats just fucked up.
    :hug: here anytime, ok?
  3. Smiler

    Smiler New Member

    Glad you're ok. I did the same back in 2007. My husband found me and drove me to hospital. I live in a small place and the humiliation of nurses, who I knew personally, knowing what I'd done was horrible. Wouldn't recommend it to others and wont try it again myself.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you cannot wait for your appt go into the emergency and see the pdoc on call there okay. You know people care now and we care to. Use the services at the school as well okay talk to coucillors there. Stay safe okay I am glad you called crisis good for you reaching out for helpwhen you did
  5. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I know I could go back and say I was a real danger to myself but then Im sure they would keep me for a LOOONG time and even like a week would really fuck up my semester at school... I mean yeah I know being dead would fuck it up worse but still. Anyway yeah, like I really hate the psych ward - I dont mind being in emergency... If they could just keep me there but yeah no the wont.

    I will have to find a new method as I dont know if my liver can handle doing that again...
  6. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    I am very glad to hear that you survived. Please don't do this again. You will leave a lot of broken heart's behind. Your should have power over your actions. Consider this as your second life. A new life.
  7. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Honestly I feel as worse as I did before... And I am going to try again tonight.
  8. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    Please don't Amanda, reach out today someone close by, atleast call a crisis line before you do anything to harm yourself,keep posting x
  9. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I dont want to call the crisis line again... I did last week and they traced the call and thats how the police found me.
  10. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    Maybe call a friend? Have a chat, just anything to take your mind from how your feeling? Maybe calling crisis is a good idea Hun, you need to be somewhere safe right now.
  11. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I just want to be dead or at least fucked up and on the way to dead.
  12. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    You need to call crisis Hun please, don't do anything to harm Yourself. They will help please x
  13. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I didnt call the crisis line, I did email a councillor at school to tell them that I was going to do it again, and lo and behold the police showed up and I got arrested in the middle of English class.... But I got to spend a week in the psych ward which is where I should have gone the first time, anyway, I got put on anti-psychotic meds and yeah... Im still alive and Im back at school now.
  14. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy


    I'm glad you reached out again :smile:

    How are the meds? they helping? you seeing anyone now?

    I'm glad you are still around :smile:
  15. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    The meds are okay, they have some side effects but I suppose its okay... I still feel down though sometimes and I still dont have any other coping mechanisms... I havent done anything suicidal since being released but yeah I have thought about it. And yeah I have a psychiatrist now and lots of therapists.
  16. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    Thats good

    The feellings won't go away right away of course, its a process or whatever so its gonna take time, but you're on that road now. You're doing really well having reached out and accepting help, that takes alot of courage. Hopefully your therapists will help you develop some effective coping strategies. In the mean time whenever you feel down like that or have such thoughts try to reach out again, even talking with someone about it can help to alleviate it.

    Its not going to be easy but it will be worth it :hug:
  17. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Its hard because the university is going to kick me out if there is any more suicide attempts or self harming behavior. So I need to have my crap together lol... And I cant really talk to my usual therapists as they are all therapists through the university.
  18. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    They shouldn't be able to kick you out coz of it! - hows that gonna help?! idiots....

    Are you able to find therapist or something outside of the uni perhaps? then you won't feel restricted on what you can talk about. coz thats not gonna help you need to be honest and if they make you feel like you can't be then its going to hamper your recovery.
  19. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I live on campus so all of my self harming and attempts have been on university property, but yeah it wont help any, it will just make things worse. If I got kicked out of school i would kill myself for sure... No crisis lines, no reaching out, people would just find Amanda one morning dead in her dorm room.
  20. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy


    its not right

    please try to hang on, try to be honest with them, I mean they can't kick you out for thoughts (they shouldn't kick you out at all) so do try. Do you have friends you feel comfortable talking to?
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