Got so close tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bigman2232, Feb 7, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    I already vented about the shit day I had in the let it out section but it just keeps piling on and tonight I got so close to ending it. No one is around, or they are hung over from last nights "amazing night" and my roommate is sound asleep.

    It's just been one of those days where everywhere I went I got reminded of how big a loser I am. So I tried to keep myself distracted and go see a friend so I'm at least around someone else and have to focus on something else. That turned out to be a big mistake. Making friendly chat I asked how was his night and said it looked like fun from the pictures I saw. He said it was and then proceeded to tell me all the stories of the night and how much fun they all had.

    Good, I'm glad they had fun. But all I felt was how much I hated that I had to miss the first time in awhile when all of our group got together and had fun.

    Then I found out something that really just slaps me so hard into the reality of my shit ass life. Another reason I had wanted to go was that a girl I like was going to go as well. I had missed several other times getting to meet her again and I just wanted to see if maybe I could do something. Well I find out that she ended up hooking up with another one of my friends and spent the night with him. Fine, I don't have any problems with either of them but it's more that it's another demonstration of how I fuck up my opportunities and how I'm going to be alone because I really do have nothing to offer.

    I had what I needed but the only thing that stopped me was that I have another appointment with my therapist on thursday and I at least want to go one last time. But I don't know if that will actually happen. It just hurts so much that I'd rather be in physical pain because at least that doesn't scar who you are as a person.
  2. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Please stay safe :hug: Times like these are so hard, but you WILL get through it. Go to your therapy appointment and tell your therapist about all of these thoughts and hopefully they can help you get some relief :hug:
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. been there - heck. . . i live there - hard times. pain. and all that comes with.

    good that you reached out here - we all understand here - and we all care.

    talk to any of us - and stay here with us - stay connected. i believe we are all a lifeline for each other - we have to get through it - and i believe we can even rise above it - this is my wish for you. . .
    i care about you :hug:
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Bigman,
    I can relate to how awkward you feel. I'm also big, I'm 6'3" and 317 lbs. My so called friends would always try and get me into fights for there own entertainment. So I just started staying home. I'm a pacifist by nature but will defend myself. Most of the time I would just walk away because I couldn't be bothered by it all.
    I have always had relationship problems also. I would pick up bar flies because they were easy, and when I would try and have a relationship with them they would get drunk and go home with someone else. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in how you feel. I'm an old fart now so I don't even try anymore. I just enjoy my solitude now and talk to my friends here at the forum. I wish you luck!!~Joseph~
  5. subterranean

    subterranean Member

    for what it's worth..
    I am thin and unbig... and that doesn't help me. I feel the way you do too
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.