Got the "help me call"

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lorax, Oct 15, 2013.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Not sure if i'm on the right thread.

    I got a call from a close, romantically involved friend. I had to tell her i'm moving in 2 weeks, and she's going through a lot this month on top of it.

    Basically, she told me she SH'd today. Then that she nearly had an attempt earlier. She was in the familiar "cry for help phase"

    Just saying she wanted too. Then after some probing, that she was planning to after i hung up. She was in that zombie state of "i'll be ok.."

    I managed to get her to relax. She sounded normal in the end, and i got a promise.. But i'm still worried.

    What if i let go too soon? What if i find out tomorrow she gave in.. I seriously will give in too.
     
  2. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I would advice to go to see her faster, but I don't know if that's possible. People who in so much pain, sometimes get overwhelmed by their depression, unable to fulfill their promise. They do remember, but they feel like it's not worth keeping(the promise) because it's too overwhelming to them. Not to make you worry, but better to be prepared than sorry right? I'm sure you care deeply for her, and I want you two to be happy. *hug

    Best Wishes for you two
     
  3. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Yea, i offered to go, but it's really hard with no car. I was freaked out as i've called and tried before.

    Talked to her just now, she's doing better. I'm gonna go see her later. Been through this before, and the last one actually did try, but failed.

    Thanks for the support, it's a hard time lately.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Let her know that when you feel that her safety is threatened and you have no way of getting to her, you will call the police to check on her. Then you must follow through. It isn't to be mean or scare her. It is to show her that she means that much to you that you are willing to get the authorities involved and that you would do it for anyone that you cherish as a dear friend. Let her get mad. Better her mad and alive than you feeling complete guilt for missing the one time she needed someone to intervene.
     
  5. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Yea, that's true.
    I am worried about her, she was way different today. Changed her look a lot, kept looking away, and that "dead stare" i get sometimes.

    I'm not sure how/if i can do anything. I'm really close my self, and going through a lot. Besides i'm moving like 4 hours away.

    No clue how to proceed. I'm not able to stay close, and i may break down any day too. Can't split off, but i can't help..
     
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Then that is a good reason to call the police if she appears to still be actively suicidal. You need to look out for you. You can't possibly do for her and you and deal with a move and all the stress and.... If you don't take a breath for you soon, you will need the police on your doorstep. Slow down - take a nice long breath - and deal with what you can, delegate the other stuff out to those that can do something about it. Your mind is trying to tell you that you need to slow down or it will do it for you...so please listen.
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    itmahanh is right you need to look after YOU ok and what she is doing is very harmful it is putting you in such a hard position YOu have do call authorities that is it in doing so you will get her the support and help she needs to stay safe then you do not have to worry ok YOU did what you are suppose to do get her help
     
  8. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I will call in "the troops" if she seems acute more than depressed. I honestly don't have an address for her though.. Is there a trick for this? In case..

    I'm definitely stressing out. Three suicide risks relationships in a row. Moving to a new area. Plus my own issues. And trying to keep my closest friend from being depressed (not suicidal)

    I feel cornered.. Too much i can't do. I really need her to find help. If the 911 call is what it takes, i want her alive before being my friend..
    Not sure how to find her any other support networks (family/close (stable) friends/ ect)
     
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    There are lots of different options, that are free and accessible. If you have a few hours (I know your days are hectic enough) first thing to do is meet up with her. Then call the suicide crisis line in your area. Ask them what is available. Therapists, pdocs, support groups etc. Then talk about the info you two just found and help her to decide which ones she may be interested in. Then make those phone calls to get in to see and talk to someone. Or go to the local hospital and ask the same questions. If she isn't on any meds, or is and maybe needs to review how effective they are, get her to make an appointment with her doctor to see him/her. But the important thing here is that you do these things with her. It will show her that your are truly concerned AND it will give you peace of mind knowing that the appointments are indeed made and that you have done all you can to get her help.
    She may end up making a whole support network with the new people she will meet through this process. Can't hurt to try right?
    As for the address. Get her home phone number, not her cell. If you offer that to the police they can try and find the address. I once got a message from a friend in the states (I'm in Canada). All I basically knew was the state she lived in. I contacted my local police, they got in contact with police in that state and things got figured out and she is alive today. Or be as bold as to just ask her right out for her address.
    Then after all that...go home, have a nice long hot bath or shower and a cozy nap under some warm blankets.
     
  10. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I forgot to update everyone.
    I've talked to her, and she seems much better. She seems past the acute phase.

    She hung out with her friends, and has lots of work to distract her. Thank you all for the advice/support.
     
  11. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I know it can be draining - but for romantic involvement between two people both with their own separate issues, it needs that reality check that actions will be taken in order to prevent a loss when there is something that can develop from that.

    I'm also glad to hear that the phase didn't take forever to get through. Sometimes it just takes that continual persistence and support (and in return should you have a difficult day - i'd anticipate that she'd want to do the same if you are getting close to romance). I can appreciate that because I am in a similar boat, although I never got a "help me" call, I think I managed to prevent it when my current gf was just a new acquaintance - not much later became a friend, and then within a total of 10 months from first interaction, became a couple.

    If you need some extra words - you can always PM me :)
     
  12. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member


    I wish it were always as easy, my past relationships would simply threaten me if i felt/acted on a SH/suicide impulse.

    It kept me from dying, but not so much from wanting. It also just made me hide it, so words of wisdom there.

    It was a situational occasion, so luckily she was able to pull through the hardest phase.

    Funny you mention it, she did call me few days back. Right after i decided to... But she caught on, and helped out.

    I remember when she first told me how she felt.. Straight out "i love you" after being friends for 3-5 months. Been nearly 3 since..

    But i need to end it.. Romantically anyways. Hoping we can handle another loss ~_~
     
  13. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Only you will know for sure if you are able to handle it - I'd continue trying to make it work for a while before you completely end it (what with you moving 4 hours away it could be harder - but is it not worth trying to persevere with something that helps both of you even though circumstances will change?
     
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