Got to get this off my chest

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hache, Jan 19, 2010.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Right, searching everywhere for someone to talk to, so will just do it here because can't find anyone online.

    I'm about to become 22, very soon. For the past 10 days I have been well destracted, thus not had time to be depressed.

    It is creeping in now as I get closer to that day.

    The problem is simple. I'm a virgin. As a student, people's sex lives and what they've been up to is in the conversations way too much. It is constantly triggering.

    Why am I the only one I know like this, why am I the odd one out, why doesn't anyone want me, what is wrong with me, what is the point anymore because there must be something wrong with who I am, I am too inadequate to want to live.

    It is effecting every aspect of my life, it's killing my health and my education.

    I do not want the usual, your time will come, there is someone for everyone, be patient, dont look for it, love yourself, i've had all this patronising shit for 3 years now. The truth is you have to be out there, that is what I believed, that is what I still believe, in my chase to be out there I didnt manage to make it, slotted back into a loser comfort zone, as a result I do not meet people, therefore there is no opportunity of coming across anyone. I cant change my circumstances right now, I am stuck in this life style, I'm not going to join clubs or anything because I'm not going alone and I dont want to do that in my current lack of motivation and living circumstances. All I can do in this life, until I can move somewhere near and start again with new adventure is just sit here feeling sorry for myself, in the hope that one day, the friends I have will lead me to meeting someone. I can't be arsed to wait anymore, its killing me and as soon as I am alone I sink into a dark place of self doubt, self pity and low self esteem, none of this is that evident when I am around people.

    Good luck to anyone who wants to try and work with that without repeating what wont work.
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    well I lost my virginity at 21 so...and it was because my friends thought I was weird and thought I must be a lesbian...well I'm not and you know what...I did it with someone I had just met and I regretted it so much afterwards...I cried and cried that day after he left...he wanted to keep dating me but I broke it off because well I realised I wasn't in love with him, I barely knew him and he seemed to only want sex from me...

    thats when I realised I didnt want to have sex just because everyone else is doing it...I want to get to know someone first, and let it come naturally...

    so I guess what I'm trying to say is dont rush it because everyone seem to be doing it...doesnt mean they are happier because they've already had sex...what they dont tell you is all the little problems that comes with their sexual relationships...its worse than you think..
  3. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    Well clearly you're not going to get laid if you have no motivation to go out there and try to find someone.

    No one is just going to walk up to you and say "hey, wanna fuck?"
    I mean, unless you're willing to pay.

    I'm a virgin, but that's because I just haven't found someone I want. Maybe you should stop feeling sorry for yourself.

    People are attracted to confidence, not self-loathing. No one is going to want to get involved with someone who's always feeling sorry for themself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2010
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I do have a few friends in their 20's who are still virgins-- the same things bother them.
    I do think that you should save it for someone you actually love or at the very least... like them quite a bit. You'll regret it afterwards if you do it with the wrong person.
    Truthfully- I felt dirty after my first time... even though it was with my boyfriend of almost 2 years- I felt like what I had done was wrong somehow. It may been because I was 16, and not mentally ready for it.

    Are you mentally ready? Do you *really* want to just get it over with?
    If you do, then there's a long list of people you can just up and screw, you know?... they're all over the internet... you don't have to look very hard... -__-'
  5. DoubledStratum

    DoubledStratum Well-Known Member

    Sex is over rated. If I had friends in place of sexual partners, I'd be so much more happy. Ignore the shit about sex, it's mainly a load of confused/desperate kids trying to justify their lack of appeal by having sex with people.

    Just ignore it until it matters. I know I would. -_-
  6. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies.

    It doesn't have to be sex though, it's just being wanted, I haven't even been kissed yet a lot of my friends storys are all about getting with someone they just met, they obviously subtly brag about it because it gives them a sense of meaning, they dont go "all the way" but at least they get attention, something I have never had.

    I just want a girlfriend, I just want to experience what I have ended up losing my teens over and looking back with bitter resentment. Some people say they didn't have a childhood, I look back at 17-21 and think the same thing. I should have had what everyone else did.

    All I want is a girlfriend. This might sound bad, perhaps arrogant and wrong but I look at some people who are in relationships and think how the fuck am I not.

    The truth is there is nothing appealing about me, I am just that friend who is the clown, no one wants that.

    I'm in a small english town, only the big cities have anyone lurking around the internet.
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    ahhh~ well, I'm sorry. I didn't completely understand.
    You want to experience the whole thing? Relationships and physical attraction and whatnot? It can be hard -- especially if you're in a small town.
  8. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    oh there are 9000 students here so it is not small, it's not like there arnt loads of girls here, just still not met anyone. I cannot compete with the competition.

    The girls either already have boyfriends or dont want one and just want to get with loads of people in clubs.

    They say I am a gentleman, sadly there is no place for that here.
  9. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    ^___^' well... there *is* the saying 'nice guys finish last'... wish it weren't true but maybe you have 'best friend syndrome' < and girls see you as more of a friend to everyone, than a boyfriend?
    To break that image, you're going to need to try and be more assertive. Maybe someone could set you up on a date to start?
  10. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I dont think I am a trually friend zoned because no one comes to me for advise or tells me their life, I am just the joker, the clown of the group, often not wanted.

    I need to somehow overcome the need to be in love. I need to accept and embrace lonliness, I need to make it so it isn't a pain, I tried changing my looks and my location, did not achieve anything. The only hope I have is moving again, but I cant right now, not for 18 months.
  11. Moony

    Moony Well-Known Member

    the thing is, the more you wait, the better it is, at least for some people.

    Before me, my boyfriend had never had a girlfriend. Ever. He was almost 27 when I met him. I had had boyfriends but never got to the point where we would sleep together. I was 22. And it was perfect. The fact that it was our first time for us both, and the next was our second, and all the other experiences were first times for us both... it was great! having had no experiences myself, i was glad he was as shy and gentle as he was. For everything. I'm his first and i'll try hard to be his last.

    so you see, sometimes it's worth the wait. Sometimes it's not about when you do it, it's about with whom. hang in there, there's someone out there that want someone exactly like you.

    hope this helps
  12. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    You have raised a good point about experience though. I feel inadequate because I have none and I have missed out on those years where you experience things for the first time together, now it will be extremely rare to fall in love with a virgin at my age, you are extremely lucky that you found someone else that is, I do not believe I will, I haven't met a virgin who wasn't religious yet.

    One of the biggest things about waiting is it is only ok when you know what you are waiting for will happen or come, I dont, I just live in fear of suffering for long long periods and constantly having to post here for decades about how I have never been in love, internet sites like these have a lot of people who are down because they are 25, 30, 35, 40, even 50 years old and never been kissed. Whilst there are people who dont find love til 27 for example, it doesnt spark hope in me because of those who havent.

    The wait when it is over I am sure will lift a massive burden off my shoulders, but I still have to carry it for as long as it takes and it gets heavier and heavier by the day.
  13. prncsusako

    prncsusako Member

    I do not know what to say exactly. I was a virgin for a long time. Sex is overrated but a cliche doesn't help the emotional burden, frustration and inner desire to be connected to another being on such an intimate level. It's like the lollipop given after visiting the dentist - sure it's sweet but it doesn't numb all that pain from the drill.

    I will say it is better to wait until it's a woman you appreciate and who appreciates you -- otherwise it's empty and could be more painful. I've tried a one night stand and it would emotionally damaging. The intense want to be held, I can understand. The wish for experience, I can understand that, too.

    But often our obsession with this beautiful desire/dream can manifest in our interactions and cause others to view our actions as odd -- enough so that a person may back away. I decided after struggling for so long to take a step back, relax and try to be comfortable in my own skin first before attempting a reconnection.

    I will so experience won't matter if it's with a person that cares about you because the pair of you can explore and learn together which could intensify the intimacy.

    It may seem hopeless given the location and dating scene. Internet sites often produce "warning bells" matches which may cause us to run the other direction -- QUICKLY. It's disheartening. I'm not sure what to suggest other than find group activities in the area and join them, even the ones you've dismissed before. Maybe there's a person in one of those groups who latches onto the jokster and catches a glimpse into the you beyond the comedy.

    It's possible.
  14. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Just got to wait til one day someone might like me. Sadly that makes me constantly want to move around in hope it will happen though.

    I know I am very afraid that after university I'll end up stuck somewhere, in a job, tied down in a career and beein a 23/24 year old loser
  15. prncsusako

    prncsusako Member

    My Oma (grandmother) remarried in her seventies. I've co-workers marrying in their late 20s and others remarrying in their late 40s. Anything is possible.

    So I suppose it is sweeter to find a rhythm in life which suits you to handle the want to happen now. It isn't easy. I've temporarily put mine on ice to a point of not wanting one at all due to the pain I'm in. It's different for every person.

    Um. For me it took writing a lot and re-reading what I wrote to figure out what was best for me. Not sure what would be your best method but I'd suggest exploring.