I wanted to buy this certain laptop for a while, researched it to hell, got all these pictures, its a small laptop and I love laptops especially small ones and today I ask my dad to buy it and the fucking asshole says no. I was so excited because it takes me FOREVER to decide on a laptop to buy and yay, he says no, its okay, I never get anything I want. Totally kills my mood the fucking shitbag. Yay, when thinking about that laptop, I forgot how much of a total loser I am, biggest 20 year old loser alive, and now I'm remembering it all over again, I will never have a normal live, never have, why the fuck was I born as a peice of shit? This is not fair, I am scared of death and what happens afterwards, if I do an attempt, it will VERY much likely fail and just give me more grief and pain since I am such a loser and God loves to see me suffer. Yay, I don't get this fucking laptop even though my very unhappy birthday was just last week. I hate my parents for ever having given birth to me and these shitbags think I am crazy for being depressed and suicidal. You fucking idiots, look around you at all the other people my age or near it, I am the ONLY FUCKING one with zero friends, no girlfriend, no awards, no acheivements, just go to college and class and come home, no clubs or anything, nothing at fucking all. I will never marry or do anything normal that is to be expected of me. And you think there is NO reason for me to be depressed and think about suicide? You fucking idiots. This is just not fucking fair, why am I stuck in this life? And I guess what, I just can't fucking kill myself huh? Oh, it'll bring pain to my mom and little brother and I'll probably go to hell for my sin. I should just try to be happy and get better. Its hard when I have been a loser all these fucking years and so abnormal. And now I have to be normal? It just can't fucking happen. You all are better than I am. I AM the biggest loser alive and of course, you'll all say its not fucking true. Sigh...... This isn't fair, why was I born, just to suffer here? This just isn't fucking fair, I just have to sit here and exist and waste space until I die? I don't want to life. This fucking sucks. I am just stuck in this living hell. I should be dead and my organs and whatever given to those that are fighting for their life and have worthy lives. You'll all say I am special and important and whatever and damn, its just not true, it should be, I wish it was, I should be happy, I deserve to be, I wish I was born into a normal life but wishing won't help. I wish I could get more depressed so I could just do a fucking attempt and hopefully have it suceed. God.