Got triggered suddenly.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TheBLA, Jun 5, 2007.

  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I wanted to buy this certain laptop for a while, researched it to hell, got all these pictures, its a small laptop and I love laptops especially small ones and today I ask my dad to buy it and the fucking asshole says no. I was so excited because it takes me FOREVER to decide on a laptop to buy and yay, he says no, its okay, I never get anything I want. Totally kills my mood the fucking shitbag.

    Yay, when thinking about that laptop, I forgot how much of a total loser I am, biggest 20 year old loser alive, and now I'm remembering it all over again, I will never have a normal live, never have, why the fuck was I born as a peice of shit? This is not fair, I am scared of death and what happens afterwards, if I do an attempt, it will VERY much likely fail and just give me more grief and pain since I am such a loser and God loves to see me suffer.

    Yay, I don't get this fucking laptop even though my very unhappy birthday was just last week. I hate my parents for ever having given birth to me and these shitbags think I am crazy for being depressed and suicidal. You fucking idiots, look around you at all the other people my age or near it, I am the ONLY FUCKING one with zero friends, no girlfriend, no awards, no acheivements, just go to college and class and come home, no clubs or anything, nothing at fucking all. I will never marry or do anything normal that is to be expected of me. And you think there is NO reason for me to be depressed and think about suicide? You fucking idiots.

    This is just not fucking fair, why am I stuck in this life? And I guess what, I just can't fucking kill myself huh? Oh, it'll bring pain to my mom and little brother and I'll probably go to hell for my sin. I should just try to be happy and get better. Its hard when I have been a loser all these fucking years and so abnormal. And now I have to be normal? It just can't fucking happen. You all are better than I am. I AM the biggest loser alive and of course, you'll all say its not fucking true. Sigh......

    This isn't fair, why was I born, just to suffer here? This just isn't fucking fair, I just have to sit here and exist and waste space until I die? I don't want to life. This fucking sucks. I am just stuck in this living hell. I should be dead and my organs and whatever given to those that are fighting for their life and have worthy lives. You'll all say I am special and important and whatever and damn, its just not true, it should be, I wish it was, I should be happy, I deserve to be, I wish I was born into a normal life but wishing won't help.

    I wish I could get more depressed so I could just do a fucking attempt and hopefully have it suceed. God.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2007
  2. thepaper

    thepaper Member

    I feel ya lol.
    I feel like a loser for having tantrums towards my parents.
    I look at my I am not.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Eh, nobody cares about me. Meh.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I do care about you nkrukato. I am sorry about the laptop. When you have your mind set on something and it is taken away it is really difficult to accept. I am glad it was a distraction for you. You are not a loser in my eyes and I am sorry you feel like you are. I know what I think doesn't matter much, but I still want you to know that.
  5. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to refute the idea that you are the biggest loser alive...I don't think you are, but why do you say that? WHY do you think that? You are 20, in college, etc...your signature says you do not have the courage to say why you have been here for so long. I want to know. PM me if you need to talk, because I don't see why you feel this way. You seem O.K. to me :) I am sorry about the laptop, but I must say, that is a very expensive present...maybe your parents don't think you need something so extravagant? When I was in college (only 8 years ago), I had to write my papers by hand while all my friends had sweetass computers, so I know what it's like to not have the latest technology :) So I am guessing that this stems from some other problem...something else that is hurting you...If you can muster it, I would like to hear why you think you are such a loser...
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Meh, laptops not a problem. Its my fault anyways, they have no problem at all buying me a laptop, its just that I can't decide which one to get and this one I want is imported from Japan so my dad doesn't feel comfortable buying it and I don't blame him. I should just shut up and buy some other one. Anyways, forget about that, I'm not depressed about that anymore

    Yeah, I have a hard time saying why I'm a loser and so nobody will think that but I definately am. I haven't done anything so far with my life, so abnormal, very empty life, haven't done the many normal, basic things everyone else has. So I'm of course inferior to everyone else. And since I've wasted these beginning years and done nothing, my future years will be bad as well, I am very lacking and empty and boring and nothing. I'm not prepared for the real world, thats the basics at least. Damn, I wish I could get into more details right now, frustrates me, you guys, everyone, damn! I'm just so embarrased and then what you'd say to me I guess.
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Please don't be embarrassed. We all have so many problems going on that it would really surprise me if you could come up with something that we all thought " embarrassing!" I know it's easy to tell someone to try not to be embarrassed about something, but this anonymous for a good reason. You can say anything, tell us anything and you will be 100% supported. Still, if you feel that you can't tell us what's going on with you, just know that we still support you, no matter what.