Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by sinnssykdom, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. sinnssykdom

    sinnssykdom Banned Member

    Not from suicide but...

    I know i wasn't the greatest grand child. In the beginning i loved staying at your house, i loved playing with mom's old toys, and Uncle's(wont say name) old toys cars. As i got older, i admit, i was horrible. I know you made several requests for me to come visit, i know all you wanted for me to do was visit you, spend the day with you. I couldn't do any of that. I was a selfish teenager who thought my friends and electronics were more important. Then you got Alzheimer's and i felt guilty about the situation, and even though you still made efforts for me to come out and visit, i never did. I'm sorry. Then i got my own problems, and when you needed me most i failed. I'm so sorry Grandma. I wish i visited you more. Me and cuz(cousin - again wont say name) talked behind your back, and mocked your old ways. I'm sorry. I take all that back. You were my only Grandma and now i have none. I should have appreciated more. I'm so sorry Grandma.

    Rest in peace, Grandma. She passed away late Friday night(April 2nd/2010).. From Alzheimer's and Pneumonia.

    Now you can remember all the things you couldn't remember before. You can remember your names of your grand kids, your kids and your husband. You can remember all your great memories again. You can walk and run, and geuss what there will be no annoying nurses to drug you like at the home.

    RIP Grandma. I'm sorry.

    PS. Don't be mad at Grandpa for putting you in a home, he tried to take care of you as long as he could.

    Now your free.

    I'm sorry this post is all over the place....

    My emotions are numb or something. I haven't cried. It's not that i don't want to, it's that i physically cant. I cried for weeks when i had to put my dog down and i didn't even shed a fucking tear for my Grandma. Does that mean i love her less? Does that mean i value her less? I love them both equally. I just feel guilty that i had more emotion over my dog's death than my Grandma's. I Specially since my Grandma wasn't an animal person. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 7, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    we all grieve differently you are still not able to let the sadness out but will in time when you are ready i am sorry for your loss you sadness and hope you have lots of support around you take care.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sory for the loss of your grandma...I hope writing that helped..