grans and hospitals

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by vbuk, May 9, 2007.

  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    im feeling really crappy right now. it feels like this is never going to end. i know i can be ok - just need to get over all this bad stuff - i feel like im on top of a hill - waiting for the fall back to real world - the world where all this stuff doesnt happen. i could write a book after everything that has happened recently. i just want bad things to stop happening - its not the bad feelings that r bothering me. i mean if i was getting down, getting depressed, suicidal without n e thing happening then yeah theres a big problem - but right now the only reason im so low is cos of the shit - im trying so hard to be there for other poeple but it never works good enough.

    today i took my gran to hospital - she is having an op tomorrow and im really worried. i know she will b ok - deep in my heart i know she will be - but theres always that thought that she wont be. as we were leaving to take herto the hospital her neighbour came out - nosy bastards they all are - and talked to her as tho it was the end - fuck them. they just want the fucking gossip. it drives me mad. it made all of us nervous.

    the op is tomorrow. then we r going to see her afterwards. i am really scared.

    one thing that makes it worse is that my other gran is going to hospital tomorrow too. shes been having chest pains and we think her pacemaker has moved. if they have to operate to move it then they have to put her under a general cos under a local she wont sit still. it is pretty dangerous putting her to sleep - for one she has a bad heart and she is old.

    i remember the last time they operated on her - she had to be put to sleep - i remember crying my eyes out when i found out she was ok. im really scared this time cos she is older. and she wont know where she is. she gets confused easily.

    then theres me - i feel so ill all the time at the mo. thought i might have to go to hospital the other night - i keep getting bad pains in my chest - sometimes find it hard to breathe. it is a little better now but still somethign there. i cant go to docs yet - i cant have all 3 of us like it.

    i just feel like a failure - i wana be there for everyone but im just doing a shit job at it.

    work will be hard tomorrow cos my boss isnt in.

    i have to go to hospital on saturday cos i have to have an op soon too - on my wrist of all places.

    im so glad im driving now cos the hospital my gran is in is out ofthe city. visiting is late so got to go to work in car. which means im going to b paying out alot. i know money isnt important - but im just a little worried. its gona b over £100 in parking alone.

    not only all this my mum n uncle keep talking about my grans funneral - not good timing.

    ill b quiet now. thanks for reading

    clare x
  2. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    :hug: hope everything goes ok
  3. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    turns out she couldnt have the op cos of an infection. had to go pick her up before work - was a nightmare - i am so so tired - falling asleep. and feeling reall sick.