Grave Consideration...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Perishable, Jul 27, 2009.

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  1. Perishable

    Perishable Well-Known Member

    Over the past couple of months I have come to realize that I do not want anything stupendous in life. From researching a variety of religions, I did not find one I liked so I have fallen on being a philosophical Buddhist (And no, its not a religion its a philosophy, This isn't the kind where you shave your head and wear yellow and red robes). It's just accepting yourself as one and as none (way more complex then it sounds). Coming to this, death is the real release from this prison we call ourselves. A very entrapped and skin casing that is illusion and reality.

    So, Here is my point.

    " I am attached to nothing.
    I want nothing.
    I need nothing.

    I am attached to everything
    I want everything.
    I need everything. "

    "I am one with none and all"

    This post isnt about some weird religious lingo.
    I'm just trying to express my view in more of a spirit outlook.
    But, on more of a real outlook. Here's a summary of my life as of now.

    I am in college (damn all the nonsense bullshit that goes on in there, anything that you have to pay for becomes a business, and businesses suck), and I can find no use of the information I am learning, besides personal knowledge. I do not want to work for a 'business' and charge people 'money' for any of my services or products that the 'business' I am working for provides. Then why am I in college you ask? Well I am going in the Medical field, which is respected when told to a family member or friends.

    Friend asks "What do you do for a job"
    My response "I'm a nurse"

    That would get more respect then if you were to say you do nothing at all. Which is what I want to do, considering doing nothing at all would be doing everything and nothing...all one in the same.

    I find myself wanting to live alone.
    Fuck everyone else.

    I find myself wanting to die.
    Fuck myself.

    I find myself wanting to help.
    Save everyone else

    I find myself wanting to try.
    Save myself.

    But if everything dies and no one can really live, having be bound by rules...

    RULES OF LIFE:

    1. Be born and Live till natural or accidental death.
    2. Finish high school
    3. Get a job
    4. Go to college
    5. Get a career
    6. Get married
    7. Buy a house
    8. Have children
    9. Raise children
    10.Watch children join the rat race that your close to finishing
    11.Watch your loved one (wife/husband) become wrinkled, old, & slow
    12.Watch yourself become weak, feeble, & forgetful
    13.Die before your wife/husband or after.
    14. Your children will gain any of your left fortunes
    15. You rot in your grave as your children follow your useless path.

    So what is the point?

    I don't want to live because there is no goal. Life's Goal is Death.
    Life's Goal is to End. So why try with anything, any footprint or good solid words you may leave behind when you 'Perish' are meaningless to you and others. They may inspire others to live extravagant lifestyles, but they will still shrivel up and die.

    I do not want a fancy car, I do not want to be a doctor, I do not want 5 million dollars, I do not want to be lead into this trap...

    I'd rather shoot myself in the face before the Shadow of Death does, waiting for me at the end of my time line, ready to pull the trigger.

    There are more surreal things going on in my life that make me compelled to eliminating my puny and unsatisfying to life style standards self...But I figure not being extremely specific could help us learn from one another.

    Maybe I have given you thoughts that you would never have conceived if you hadn't of read this post.

    Maybe I have lent your a hand to come with me on this journey to find what makes us happy, and be one with the bliss...

    This is what I want to achieve...Is the Unachievable Bliss.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2009
  2. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    when we are given life, we are left to make the best of that we can. granted there are many ppl that have serious issues and life in general is very hard for them. there are many that simply give up and there are those that do what it takes to make the best out of it.

    right now, i dont have much and im almost 50. ive lost everything at least 4 times in my life and rebuilt. ive become tired of fighting. there are simple ways out of this world if you so desire.

    i dont have many friends either and im not married. ive tried suicide 3 times and failed at it.
    this time, i have to get off my ass and make another go at life. we have to look at the bigger picture, there are times when we simply dont see things very clearly and we need to take a step back and think about what we are thinking about.

    its not going to be easy to rebuild again, alot of waiting.
    but i choose to rethink about what i dont have and make it possible.

    take a chancem, talk to ppl, get out of the box that your in and try to make something good out of the bad that you are going through,
    only we can control our outcome.
    hang in there.
     
  3. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    as various people have said to me in the past few weeks - life may not have a goal, but there are points in life, when it really is worth it. it's up to you to decide whether those points in life are worth the rest of the crap - and i hope you find that they are worth it :smile: xx
     
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