I'm new. I don't really feel like going into much history, but the sum of it is, I've been dealing with major depressive disorder since 2002—on and off many different meds, many different combinations, been through many different types of therapy, including months of aggressive ECT … I can't say I've seen it all, but I've seen a damn lot of it. And none of it has done much good. Which is where I'm at now. When I was 13—just beginning my struggle with depression—I was suicidal, but it was a frantic, skittering sort of suicidal … high-strung and irrational, if that makes sense. But now I feel almost sociopathic about it. Death—it seems logical, reasonable. There would be downsides, obviously; I know people who love me would be hurt. But virtually all decisions have pros and cons, and when I stop to think about it, the pros well outweigh the cons. How do you cope with something like that? When you've done the math, totaled it all up, and yes, the most rational thing would be to kill yourself?