Ugh.. Ive been cutting again. Not just a small screw up with one cut like it used to be, no; this time i have seven. Seven neatly drawn cuts that scream at me, telling me that I'm just another screw up, that I'm just one more person that no one cares about. My roommates have been taking away my blades for awhile now; which I guess shows that they care. Ive used them since i was 13 (24 now) for stress relief. Yes, it is bad. I generally use objects that are not that sharp (so i dont do to much damage...) but now... Now I'm going to great lengths.. I just took apart an object to use. I havent done that in over 7 years. Wow. Im pushing and going further and farther then I ever have before. I guess I'm falling. Sad thing is.. Usually I can hop onto chat and talk to people there, but i don't know anyone anymore in chat. I am alone now... I'm not good at making new friends and normally... I dont feel like i can create a post here on the forums. In fact I usually feel quite uneducated to most people who post here and that is a huge thing thats scary to me. I'm worried ill look stupid, or that someone will notice I suck horribly with grammar.. Or that I'll create enemies... I dont want to be alone anymore I guess. Which is stupid because I know I'm going to get some short response like.. Im sorry.. or some other two lined BS everyone sends everyone... Which is unfair to everyone else because if theycare they should show it... No matter how small.. But then the begger becomes the chooser.. And at that point we fall back into square one. Back to cutting, back to scars, back to feeling unloved and unimportant. Unable to open up to anyone really.. and when I do becoming judgemental and "they dont really care" and other bullcrap that isnt true. Im sorry that i failed myself. Im sorry that im so cruel. Im sorry that im unloving.. Im sorry that im not good enough for you.