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Great.. now i cant even kill myself...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Summer.Rain, Jun 23, 2008.

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  1. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    My fucked up fammily is in crisis, my dad flying to a diffrent country to help my younger sister with some problems she got into.
    He leaving me and my mom in Ukraine.
    Now just to make things clear...
    My mom is some sort of a brainless creature, she thinks that there is no such
    thing as depression, and she always do what my dad telling her to do.
    She never do things for herself, not becouse she cant, but becouse she
    dont have a personality (i guess its my dads foult becouse all her life he telling her what is right and what is wrong and how to do things...)

    Tommorow my dad flying away, my mom is crying becouse she is too weak to stay here alone without him plus she is forced to take controll over our business here, she knows she is unable to do it, but she cant tell my dad that, so she keeps folowing my dads orders and when she will fail, and she will, my dad will blame her in EVERY SINGLE THING WRONG WITH THIS FAMMILY.

    My mom told me she needs me to help her becouse she wount be able to do it alone, now i know that i just cant, and i told that to her, still she told me that i have to and i have no choise, apperntly she think it makes things diffrent. In few days she will see that when im telling something, im meaning it.
    And then she will probbly cry again, and thats just giving me so much pain
    when i see her crying, and even more pain when i know it is bcouse i cant help her, and add this pain to the pain i have for the last 6 years
    in such situation i will kill myself 100% without second though, i really want to end it all, but i know that if i will, she will be completle alone, and my death will destroy her, she will probbly become alcholic, she already is but its not serius.

    So, with all my pain, i told my dad not to leve, but he dont undarstand
    so i just sitting here, woundering to myself, if there is such thing as burning in hell, i am in there right now, im in hell, and im in burning pain, and i have no escape. and tommorow, and the day after that, and next month, and the month after that, i will still be in hell, burning.
  2. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    It sounds like both you an your mum need some therapy. Your mum sounds like she has no self esteem and needs help to gain that back. She probably is capable of running the business but has no faith in herself. Instead of saying that you will not help her say that you will support her when she is really stuck but that you have a life that you need to live. Explain why it is you can not help her but let her know that you are not abandoning her and is stil with her. It will allow you to control how much help you can give her and give her some independence back and hopefully slowly her self esteem.

    None of this is your fault and I am so sorry that you want to end your life. Please keep posting. Am here if you need to talk...


  3. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    sorry your feeling this way, things get so much harder to deal with when change like this happens but please try and be strong.

    your mum may not believe in depression but it sounds like she might be going through some of that herself mixed with other things, co-dependantcy on other people and maybe low self esteem. I also agree with leading your own life but being there when she is really stuck, if shes feeling left by her family in this time its probably quite hard on her. maybe while your dad is away you can try talking to her again about how you are feeling?

    Take care
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