Greetings

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by PezKraft, Oct 24, 2014.

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  1. PezKraft

    PezKraft Member

    I am the ANP Host of a Dissociative Identity Disorder system, and I am here on behalf of my Alters. I have chosen to establish a safe outlet for them in the event that they become active and either myself or them becomes overwhelmed. Thank you to everyone who makes this website possible. I was not sure if I was going to be able to find such a service when I decided to do an online search. I was surprised to find such an honest and active community.

    I do not experience much emotion if any. My job is to simply care for the system and the body to the best of my capability.

    However, most of my alters are moderately to severely suicidal and otherwise in great distress. One that activated when the body was 15, per witnesses, just curled into a ball and screamed in terror for hours, and had to be committed to a mental health facility. One that activated when the body was 19 was almost successful in a suicide attempt. The body only survived because I became co-conscious with her and found us dying on a bathroom floor in a stranger's house. I was able to regain executive control in time to make a call for help. One that activated for weeks a couple of months ago landed us homeless and dying on the streets multiple states away from the starting point. One is extremely angry and self-loathing, and may be at very high risk, as well. When activated a couple of years ago, this one reportedly screamed, as well, but in a state of rage and then ran off into the city in the middle of the night.

    They all seem to be extremely confused and in great anguish. I am currently in therapy attempting to save them. Unfortunately this will require me to relinquish control for periods of time, in addition to any loss of control against my will that may result from attempting to reach them in a controlled environment. Already from the very light and cautious work I have started in therapy, I am experiencing a great deal of passive-influence, some of which is suicidal. The senses of doom, hopelessness, desperation and so on are coming and going more frequently.

    I presently have no job, no vehicle, no money, no friends, very few possessions, no home of my own. What I do have are a few family members who love me and are trying to help me get through this and get back on my feet. So there is still hope. I tend to be a logical and analytical member of our system, so I am able to perceive that there is the possibility of survival, health, comfort and even happiness. However my alters are severely hindered and handicapped in this regard.

    I have for several years now avoided dealing with them head-on for fear of absorbing their terror, rage, anguish and madness. But very soon in therapy I will begin the descent to attempt to save them, as they once saved me from the things they hold, when I was very young. I will likely be around the forums throughout this endeavor.

    Thank you,
    PezKraft
     
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF PezKraft! I hope you find it supportive here and is able to help you through your journey to recovery! :hug:
     
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