Discussion in 'Welcome' started by philio, Apr 20, 2007.

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  1. philio

    philio Well-Known Member

    ... and Salutations.

    New to the forums and thought I would share my story... its a long one mind, so I'd grab a cup of coffee or some hot co-co. Here goes...

    About 6 months ago some crazy lady comes knocking at our door, and demands to speak with my mam (was just us two in the house). Begrudgingly I called over our mam, and the crazy lady started saying all this crap about how, our dad, had had a baby with her and that it was 6 months old. I didnt believe her, our mam seemed to take it to heart though. I reassured her and thought she felt the same way as me about it (i.e. just some random crazy). Later on though, during the night, my mother took an overdoes of pills and drank herself into a coma. It was another day until she finally passed on.

    I've kept this to myself thus far, theres no reason my brothers and father need to know.

    The crazy lady came back though, about a week later, when me and my brothers were in. She started saying all the same stuff as before, but now she said that our dad loved her and that he was going to kick us out. I didnt believe any of it, neither did our brothers for that matter. We confronted our dad and he explained that she was just some crazy lady and that she'd only moved into the neighbourhood 2 months ago.... So there was no baby. Okay I can live with that. Then he says...

    "Oh, i did have sex with her though"

    WHAT. So she could have been pregnant, so she wasnt some crazy lady, she was someone our dad had had sex with and she thought it meant something. So the reason my mother killed herself, was so he couldnt keep it in his pants. So my father is dead to me, and affection i demonstarte to him is purely for show.

    Okay so I kept it a secret, the whole baby scare thing. So I've had no one to talk to about it. Plus, during the whole sort of period I've being feeling depressed (naturally). My friends have noticed. But no one seems to care. When I showed up back to college, not one of them seemed fussed, not one of them asked how i was doing, neither were my teachers, no one was in fact. As for my brothers, they dont seem to fussed, there going through the same thing as me but they've got there friends to talk to.

    I know I could ask someone to listen to what I have to say. But thats not what I want. I want someone to actually care. If i asked I think they were only listening because they felt obliged to, not because they care. (Saying that there has been 1 person who cares, and I love them for it)

    As a result, I've been getting more and more depressed, occasionally I'll have a week off, and I'll feel great, like its all behind me, only to relapse. So suicide has started to enter my mind, just to end it all, because it doesnt seem worth the pain. Its not a major feeling, like I could get a razor blade and slit my wrists at this very moment, but the feelings are getting stronger.

    And then I found this place:biggrin:. Just knowing theres people in the same situation is a help, and that people will listen to my ranting.

    Thats my story, hope it didnt bore you. And Thanks for Reading. Byes
  2. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear your story :(
    but welcome to SF. i hope you find it helpful. the majority of the people on this site are lovely and will be happy to listen to you and be here for you

  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that your family was betrayed by your father. He should never have told you that, even if it is true. I'm very sorry about your's very hard to lose a parent. Please take care of yourself...PM me if you need to talk about anything. Be safe and thank you for sharing your story. :hug:
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF :)

    Take care, and hope to see you around

  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF. It sounds as if you have been through a rough time lately. I am sorry your father did that to your family. Have you been to any kind of grief counseling? Sometimes being able to share with others helps. I am glad you found your way to us. I hope we are able to help you. Take care. :hug:
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni


    Welcome to the forum, i'm so sorry to hear about all that that's happend to you. I hope you get all the support and friendship you need here. If you would like a friend or ever need to talk, just PM me or message me on MSN or something, ok? Take care hun, and i'm looking forward to seeing you around the forum. :hug:
  7. philio

    philio Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all the support guys:biggrin:

    I have thought about, even got a friend who's training to be one, so she knows people who would council me. But paying for someone to listen to your problems seems really phoney... like I'd think "if i wasnt paying this guy, would they still care as much".
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I understand how you could feel that way. I am extremely lucky to have found the therapist I did. I could answer your question with a yes, she would care that much. But even if she didn't, the fact that someone is there to help you walk through your feelings and frustrations and actually letting those feeling surface would be worth it for you. If you do not want to pay someone, in some areas they have grief groups. It costs you nothing and you can share with others that understand as they have suffered losses as well. I do not have training in this area, but I am a good listener and can more than likely relate to your situation. I am here if you would like someone to share with. Feel free to PM me. Take care philio. I will keep you in my thoughts. :hug:
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    It's not really so much about them caring as their ability to help you thru the grief process.
    The counselling is about u coming to terms with what happened.
  10. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF :smile:
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    That is true Terry, but if you do not feel comfortable with your counselor those things are hindered. It is nice to have a combination that works best for you.
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