Discussion in 'Welcome' started by MrBill, Sep 9, 2007.

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  1. MrBill

    MrBill Active Member

    I guess it's time to quit lurking and introduce myself. Thanks for the owners and moderators of this forum. It's the best one on the Internet bar none. And thanks to all the members, reading your posts really helps.

    I'm 50, close to 51, early retired from my government job. Single, live alone, few friends, no one close, family distant. Retirement should be a time of relaxing, joy, travel, etc. It's not working that way for me. The first six months or so were great, then I started getting stir crazy. Took a retail job, which was okay, then went back to work temporarily from the place I retired. That ended in April. I accepted a job as a dispatcher, which lasted three days after I decided the stress and pressure associated with that positon weren't my cup of tea. Now I'm back at the same above mentioned retail job, which again is okay, but nothing exciting. Keeps me busy six hours a day and gives me some extra spending money. I was doing pretty well right up to the point I accepted that dispatcher job and quit. I had a huge anxiety or panic attack, wasn't sleeping at all, feeling depressed. And having thoughts of suicide. I have this feeling that I've totally ruined any chance of finding a good job that truly utilizes my skills and abilities. Sleeping has returned to normal most nights, but still have occasional anxiety and feel depressed at times. I do keep physically active which helps, but the anxiety and depression are still there. I've found some good books on anxiety and depression and how to self treat, and they're having some helpful effects. I've thought about seeking professional counseling, but from what I've read on different forums and Internet sites, that can sometimes be a crap shoot. You never know how good a therapist you're getting. I can't afford to waste money on this. In addition to all the above, the general state of the world gets me down. The political and economic mess our elected "leaders" have gotten us into appears to be sinking us. You look around you, and most people are obsessed with materialism and buying and collecting things. Being popular and superficial seem to be the norm. I just can't fit into all of that. I many times wonder what the point is in carrying on. I'm really glad I found this forum, as it does make me feel a little better in that I'm not the only one that has these types of feelings. I've seen a few posts from people my age, but it seems a majority of the folks in this forum are pretty young, many teens. That's pretty sad, but I certainly understand how a person can get feeling down with the pressures today's world puts on us.
    Anyway, that's a (not so) brief introduction about me and my situation. Thanks to all of you for being here. :unsure:
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Glad you stopped lurking and :welcome: hun :biggrin: check out the "Antiquities forum" where all us old farts hang out :laugh:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF MrBill. I am glad you joined us and took the time to introduce yourself to us. I believe you can still utilize the skills and abilities you have. It may be in ways you have yet to tap, but you will find the way. I understand your hesitance to seek counseling because of the chance you will not find the right person for you. I have been very lucky in that I was able to find someone I could connect with. They have made a great deal of difference for me. I have no doubt in my mind that I would not be here if not for her guidance. Sometimes we have to put our reluctance behind us and venture into the unknown. I am glad the selfhelp books are helping to some degree. Maybe between those and the support from the many of us here, you can overcome some of these issues and find yourself where you wish to be. Take care. I look forward to seeing you around the forum. :hug:
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

  5. goddamnmad

    goddamnmad Member

  6. MrBill

    MrBill Active Member

    Hi all, figure I'll do a monthly update, and it's been almost a month since I first posted on this forum. I am truly grateful I found this site. Reading all the posts is helpful when I get in one of my feeling down days, and I'm in one of those funks today. Not sure why, but anxiety is way up today. As usual I worry about anything and everything. I"ve found some forums on anxiety, social anxiety, depression, etc., which help also, but I keep getting in this rut. I feel as though my life has been wasted and I'm afraid it won't get better. I'm still working Monday through Friday, active with my home owners association, working out, etc. I feel pretty good physically, but mentally, not so much. I picked up a book today at B&N called "Feeling Good" which suppose to be a self help book on improving your mood. Hoping maybe it will help. I don't feel suicidal right now, I try to tell myself that I can improve things and things will get better. But then I also ask myself at what point will I just throw in the towel and end it all. One year, five, ten? I can't imagine myself getting into my senior years and still being all alone. I find it so hard to get out and meet and connect with people. Things like eating out or going to the book store, etc., are not problems, it's just I have a really hard time connecting with people. I still have no friends, as in someone I can call up and say hey, want to go hiking or a movie or something? I have some "friends" from the work I retired from, with whom I still get together now and then for lunch or a walk, but they're not someone I would call up if I needed something. Family is a long ways away, and busy with their own lives, and I don't want to bother them. I hope some day to move back home to be closer to them, but with real estate situation right now, that won't happen any time soon.

    Anyway, just wanted to ramble and get this off my chest. I guess it does help a little to put things down on paper or on the INTERNET. At least here I'm sharing with folks who will know in some way or another how I'm feeling.

    Hope everyone is doing well, and having a good weekend. Thanks everyone for being here.

    Bill :huh::unsure:
  7. xashleyTX

    xashleyTX Guest

  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Glad you joined us :hug:
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