I stumbled upon this place while originally looking for suicide assistance forums. While I'm sure they're out there I was frustrated to not have found them easily. In a moment of self-reflection, it made me sad that I would be looking for such a thing in the first place. My name is Tiffany and I'm 24. I moved back home at the end of summer, after the three year relationship with my boyfriend (whom I lived with) dissolved. I feel acutely alone and lonely here with no friends and my relationship with my parents is not good. The internet is my only refuge and it's simply not enough to feel connected. I've been suffering from depression since I was 16. I started cutting, wrist banging and taking diet pills to try and cope with what I was feeling at the time. These habits gave way to other vices, as I always found inventive new ways to hurt myself and my relationships. I've never felt at ease around other people and it's a constant source of pain for me. I even remember hiding under tables at my own birthday parties when I was very young. When people ask me the last time I remember being really happy, I don't know how to answer. My first year of college I made a very poor attempt on my life which got me committed to a mental ward for a short time. After I was out I felt refreshed for a little while and willing to give things a chance but it quickly faded. I eventually ended up with a serious drug habit which ending up forcing me to leave college in my third year. Being on drugs was the only time I found myself able to enjoy being around other people. I did anything I could find with anyone that was around. It was the closest thing I had to relief from my depression. I did kick the habit two years ago- upon moving in with my ex. I feel like a loser (which my parents and sister constantly reassert for me) and I really don't have the motivation to do anything with myself. I don't know what I want out of life. I struggle with knowing whats worth wanting. I don't have those simple things that make daily life tolerable for people, no family, friends or things I enjoy doing. I'm trying to come to terms with the idea of suicide. I've been trying to coax myself into being okay with the idea of my death and it's consequences. Sometimes I think that I'd really like to do it and have someone with me. I don't know if anyone here can understand that, but I hope so.