Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Inque, Oct 31, 2008.

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  1. Inque

    Inque Member

    I stumbled upon this place while originally looking for suicide assistance forums. While I'm sure they're out there I was frustrated to not have found them easily. In a moment of self-reflection, it made me sad that I would be looking for such a thing in the first place.

    My name is Tiffany and I'm 24. I moved back home at the end of summer, after the three year relationship with my boyfriend (whom I lived with) dissolved. I feel acutely alone and lonely here with no friends and my relationship with my parents is not good. The internet is my only refuge and it's simply not enough to feel connected.

    I've been suffering from depression since I was 16. I started cutting, wrist banging and taking diet pills to try and cope with what I was feeling at the time. These habits gave way to other vices, as I always found inventive new ways to hurt myself and my relationships. I've never felt at ease around other people and it's a constant source of pain for me. I even remember hiding under tables at my own birthday parties when I was very young. When people ask me the last time I remember being really happy, I don't know how to answer.

    My first year of college I made a very poor attempt on my life which got me committed to a mental ward for a short time. After I was out I felt refreshed for a little while and willing to give things a chance but it quickly faded. I eventually ended up with a serious drug habit which ending up forcing me to leave college in my third year. Being on drugs was the only time I found myself able to enjoy being around other people. I did anything I could find with anyone that was around. It was the closest thing I had to relief from my depression. I did kick the habit two years ago- upon moving in with my ex.

    I feel like a loser (which my parents and sister constantly reassert for me) and I really don't have the motivation to do anything with myself. I don't know what I want out of life. I struggle with knowing whats worth wanting. I don't have those simple things that make daily life tolerable for people, no family, friends or things I enjoy doing.

    I'm trying to come to terms with the idea of suicide. I've been trying to coax myself into being okay with the idea of my death and it's consequences. Sometimes I think that I'd really like to do it and have someone with me. I don't know if anyone here can understand that, but I hope so.
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF! Hope you find some support and friends! There are lots of nice people here. You can drop me a pm anytime :hug:
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey Tiffany, welcome to the forum :welcome:

    I also have no friends and have a bad relationship with my parents, so if you feel like chatting feel free to pm me :hug:

    i hope you receive the support you need here :arms:
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum Tiffany. I am glad you found us instead of the sites you were searching for. :hug:
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :hug:
  7. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF, Tiffany. :hug:
  8. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Welcome to SF! :smile:
  9. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    Heya, welcome to SF. =)
  10. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    :welcome:. Kicking a drug habit is something you should be really proud about Tiffany. That takes a lot of strength which you can use to beat the way you feel now. Glad you found the forum and hope it's a help to you. It has been for me.
  11. Jenna

    Jenna Well-Known Member

    Hey tiffany

    Taking your own life is never easy and it will hurt so many people that you did not think that people care about you and love you.

    Here if you ever need to talk you can drop me a PM.
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