Grief backfiring...



Hello everyone, this is an excellent forum, it's a great effort and I'm pretty sure many people have gotten some relief or companionship from it...I particularely enjoy the fact that there's so many people available to chat, great job! well...about me, I have a friend who recently commited suicide, he held on to life for a couple of days but ended up passing away. I was so shocked...I couldn't believe it, I felt so sad, so angered, it happened and I was far away I couldn't come see him or go to his funeral. He wasn't clinically depressed or anything he just couldn't handle another girlfriend cheating on him and chose poorly while intoxicated...I didn't cry, I don't know why, I guess I pushed the pain back but it backfired, it came back in the most horrible crisis I've had in years. I've developed the sort of obsessive thoughts that comes with pure "O", my obsession is related to eternity and the afterlife etc, etc. Sometimes the thought of eternity makes me jump in my chair...I've had this fear or obsession since I was a child and had diferent "episodes" during my life, but was able to control them or get over them, they are usually triggered when there's big changes or when something traumatic happens (moved to another city, country, graduated high school, death of a relative), they've been affecting me a lot, I've been feeling depressed and just tired of thinking about that, it makes me feel like I am trapped, just down, under a rug...I wish I could go back to normal, like a year before this...I would like to know if it's common for friends of suicide victims to develop these type of depressions or obsessions or whatever you wanna call them and perhaps it's just a grieving process and everything will clear up or I will stay like this forever and I'll end up bouncing from shrink to shrink, from pill to pill, suffering the rest of my life?...thanks I appreciate any comments or help.
i understand the feeling, a few years before my comitted suiside, i had a really good friend who jumped... i had moved from the state a while before that so i wasnt around for much, this is going to be a hard process for you and your thoughts will turn in many different directions, and i cant tell you that it will really ever settle, every time somthing bad happens, or i lose someone, i change my mind in some way about somthing... i hope things get better for you soon... good luck

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