Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Jan 12, 2008.

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  1. I'm the most stupidest existance on this planet. I hate myself. I'm pathetic.

    I'm going to get kicked out of school.

    My mum is ashamed of me because of my behaviour yesterday at school.
    I mean, all that happened was I didn't go to any lessons due to a headache from hell. I may have been a tad disruptive and rude but hello, I should've been sent home! Not ignored and being spoken to like a piece of crap! [​IMG]
    My sister hates me and is now officially ignoring me. When she speaks to me, it's usually something offensive.
    I'm hated by every member of my family.
    Me and my brother had an arguement a few days ago, he said that I have an eating disorder, I said I don't, he said I match the description of eating disorders too well, so I took an online test (we all know how they are like, lying piece of craps), and I scored high, my brother then said it's proof I have an eating disorder, I said that the test lies, then he said I'm in denial, I said I'm not, geez, I don't have an eating disorder, I'm a fat disgusting piece of crap who eats like a pig! [​IMG]

    I was so angry yesterday that I considered to take my life, I didn't, I just fell asleep from crying so much. I sorta cut myself for the first time in a few weeks, I managed to stop myself from going too far... [​IMG]

    So now, I'm left with an urge to never eat again. I feel like punishing myself. I don't really want to eat. I feel sick more than anything. Lost all appetite I ever had. I don't really want to eat again, and I intend not to either. [​IMG] It's just driving me insane! Usually when I get this stressed I rarely eat anyway, but I don't want to eat ever again. I mean, for now it's just... like, I don't eat much, maybe a meal or two, but it's just... I don't want to eat it, and I don't want to eat anymore, I just hate eating, and part of me wants to not eat for the control, because everything else is spiraling out of control that not eating makes me feel... I don't know, so much more in control of everything. It's not entirely about the fact of losing weight, that's just one reason outta so many others. People think it's just to lose weight, it's not...
  2. Chickpea

    Chickpea Well-Known Member


    Sorry to hear you're in trouble at school! Hopefully it will blow over though and they will let you back in. If not, is there another one you can go to?

    I don't know if you have an eating disorder or not, but if you say you don't eat much and are trying not to eat to gain control then it seems likely that there is something not right there. Also - if you fit the description according to the tests then I guess, by definition, you do have an eating disorder.... if that makes sense? Only a doctor can make the diagnosis though so to settle it maybe you could go and see one.

    Eating disorders can involve a lot of denial in the beginning so you may have one and not be admitting it to yourself. But as you are posting in the ED section of the forum, maybe you do know that you have one?

    I know that it can be good to feel like you're in control of something, but not eating is ultimately just going to hurt you even more. And if you let it go on, one day you might find that instead of you controlling the food, its an eating disorder controlling you. They're tough to get out of.

    Please stay safe, and seek medical advice about the food :hug:

  3. New-Hope

    New-Hope Well-Known Member

    I've had eating disorders in the past and trust me, you don't want to stop eating. Once you stop eating, it is really difficult to start again.
    I was dangerously close to becoming anorexic at one point - and I've never been the same since. If you do stop eating, it could cause you long term damage... and as Chickpea said, it may end up controlling you instead of you controlling it.

    I agree with Chickpea; I would recommend going to see a doctor, just to be on the safe side.
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