so yeh im at my gfs house on monday night and her mom informs me that she is pulling a surprise party for my gf the following night and to make sure she doesnt go home before 6. so all day i am stressing. i HATE lying and i knew i would have to be around all these ppl. i knew my gf would hate it. and she did. i stood there all night basically hyperventilating hatin every minute of it. my gf knew i was scared to death and kept apologising. which makes me feel so bad!! i wish i didnt react like this. sometimes i feel so 'normal' like nothing will phase me. but then as soon as im around more than 2 ppl, im a mess. and i swear these guys in the shop were laughin at me. my gf had to hide this piece of broken glass from me so i wouldnt cut. what a fucking mess i am. i loathe myself. i do. im such an embarrassment. i just need to GET OVER IT. but my fucking mind wont let me.