grrrrrRrRRrRRRrRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

[Sa Palomera]

Why can't they jusrt come home!!!?? NOW!!! I want to have this over with! Over and done with! Instead of sitting here shitting myself,, waiting....waiting.....waiting.... GRRRRRRRRRR It's driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!

What will she do? most of all, what will HE do?? I feel like it's either gonna be lots and lots of shouting and accusations OR He'll see me and just point at the door saying something like "Out!"

what is he gonna do??? will he kick me out on his own birthday? will he accuse me of everything there is to possibly accuse someone of. GRRRRRRRRRR I'm going fucking crazy here!!! Please let them come home quickly and get this over and done with. ....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[LeaveMeAlone]

:hug: be strong hun

 

[Marshmallow]

You know where i am hunni xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Sa Palomera]

okay this gets crazier and crazier :blink:

it's as if nothing happened.. :unsure:

oh well not exactly, they were both quite distant when I hugged them when they got back home... even the fecking dog is acting distant :sad:

but other than that... nothing... they're acting kinda normal. :unsure: I feel as if there will be an explosion ths weekend though.. the tension that's hanging between us :dry: I guess I can't do anything but wait and see :sad:

 

[Marshmallow]

Hun all i can do is repeat what i said on the phone about it. Will talk later xxxxxxx

 

[Sa Palomera]

great great great.

conversation I just had with my Dad:

Dad: "I have 3 questions for you. What are you going to do [schoolwise]? What's going on with you? And what's the cause of that?"

me: "well I'm going to do English Language and Culture next schoolyear"

Dad: "and the other questions?"

me: "I don't know what's going on."

Dad: "Well, then I guess you don't know the answer to the other question either. I wan't you to figure out what's going on, and our door will always be open if you know the answer, but as long as you don't, you're not welcome here."

it's something along those lines... :dry:

so basically after I leave tonight to go home, I'm not welcome here anymore.
Thanks. And that's what he calls paternal love? fatherly love?
it's that how they want it? Fine. Then that's how they'll get it.
I won't visit them anymore at all. After this weekend I won't be able to visit them anymore anyway. I hope they're happy now. I never wanted to give them the satisfaction. but heck, who cares. Right now it's been enough for me. Enough. I'll do this one last thing to please him. I hope he'll enjoy it cos it's the last thing I'll do for him.

 

[Terry]

He's trying the old tough love approach Est, he wants you to get your life going (visa vie education, career etc). Never understand how threatening your child works, but thats cos I'm too soft on my child. Can't win either way it seems.

Do well, get your life in order, then spit in his eye

 

[Sa Palomera]

well I don't care what he's trying to do or which approach he's trying. it's over. finished. He won.

I'll do him a last favour. How pathetic is that. I'm gonna do one last favour to the man who's fucking abandoning me just because I don't fucking know what the hell is going on with me!!??

I don't want him to abandon me. He's breaking my heart. All this time I've been saying I don't care and he couldn't do anything to break me. Well he's fucking done it. He's got me to breaking point. I'm gonna go to the trainstation in half an hour, to go home. The stepmum is gonna drop me off there and it will be the fucking last time I ever speak to them. How sad is that. I'm fucking 19 years old! how am I supposed to go through 14 years without speaking to my folks!? Fuck it!

I cannot and will not let that happen. The day I'll die will be the day I speak to them for the last time.

I'm gonna go home now, eat a bunch of hashcookies, drink a whole lot of liquor and smash EVERYTHING they ever gave me into pieces, and then I'll call them, wait for them to answer the phone and then just say "Thank You" and then hang up the phone.
Goodbye Dad aka FUCKING ASSHOLE. Goodbye J. aka Stepmum.

 

[Marshmallow]

I know hes breaking your heart hun :sad: but please don't do anything, if you do it will break my heart and other peoples aswell. If you truely mean what you said earlier after i sent you that text then don't do anything. Maybe do what J said when she dropped you off? after hearing what she said when she dropped you off its obvious that she doesn't agree with him in some way. I think you should try keep a relationship with your step mum at least, its obvious she wants to keep one with you.

Love ya lots

xxx