Honestly, I don't know if I'll end up killing myself or not. Right now I don't want to but I lose control easily. Whatever it is that's wrong with me is something that you really have to stay on top of or it gets the better of you. As tiring as it is, I encourage everyone here to keep fighting and not give up. I don't know what will happen with me or with any of you. I can guarantee that there will be a whole lot more suffering before its over but something cool will probably happen too. You'll never know unless you keep trying. I don't think anyone here has any really good reason to kill themselves. No one here is a bad person. We all just feel too much pain and we want to stop hurting. Unfortunately this takes a lot of effort and - you guessed it - more pain! And none of us will ever be completely free of that feeling. Keep struggling to find balance. Realize that the bad times are just as precious and meaningful as the good ones in a way. It's all part of life and becoming a stronger person. I wish you all to have the strength you need for you will need it. In all likelihood the worst is yet to come but you can become stronger than anything life throws at you. I guarantee that eventually you will be happy you didn't give up. Trust me. I promise.