Guess I Need a New Suicide Thread

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aoeu, Jul 31, 2009.

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  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Okay, so, things as they are:

    I dropped out of university, can't imagine getting back in, since I'd just fail out again.

    I have no job. I can not drive nor stand at this job due to epilepsy and severe plantar fasciitis and I am not qualified for basically anything else.

    I have no friends. I talk with several people online and that is it.

    I feel lousy most of the time, panic attacks are fairly often.

    I might be starving myself. I seem to be eating 1000 less calories per day than I should (but not losing weight somehow).

    Fuck it. I don't know where I'm going with this. Probably the same place I'm going with everywhere else - nowhere. I wish I had the guts to [METHODS] my [METHODS].

    Edit: I'm also too sad to sleep. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 31, 2009
  2. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    Maybe you can take some online classes or work from home? For online classes there's a lot less hassle and you can take a break to get soda or something. The people you talk to online- maybe you can email someone and get their phone number so you can talk to a real human voice. It must be extremely difficult, but there is a way around this. Don't discount people online, someone you can find that cares about you is a gift, anything positive you can find is. The one thing that can turn your life around is to just keep trying, to keep looking for different ways to survive. You should definitely read the book: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws, by Kate Bornstein. It's funny, and it helps me keep going.
  3. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

    Starving yourself is not that easy, I tried it, I gave up after I started to catch a cold and drank warm water to fight off the cold. I figured that if I cough then people will find me, but then I broke the no drinking rule. I thought I would be dead in a week with no water. It turns out I hate myself enough to cause me pain, but not enough to end it all. It's actually worse. I'm addicted to hurting myself, maybe then the world will love me if I show it how much I'm suffering, I know it's not like that, but I'm hardwired to believe that. I'm watching a bad movie unfold in front of my eyes. With so many people who actually have it worse then me, who am I to complain. I just hate those who have it better then me becasue they can afford to judge and hurt me.
  4. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Just because all of these things have gone wrong, doesnt mean that they cant get better. Talk to us, let us help. *hugs*
  5. __Rawr.Tigga

    __Rawr.Tigga Well-Known Member

    Like Kurenai said, have you tried online classes or something? They are good, like... If you find it things hard to stick out, you can take a break, or if you can't face people, you don't have to. But you can still work.

    We're here to listen ok? I will listen :hug: Talk to you need to.

    *~Take Care and Keep Strong~*
  6. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

    I would advise against online classes, they didn't work for me. I need a teacher. Online classes are much harder then real classes, that's a fact. You can ask the teacher question, and it's much harder to ask a question when you have to write it down. Don't give up, if you realy want to go to school you will.
  7. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    Just hang in there you never know what tomorrow will be like.
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Can't do online school for engineering, at least in Canada. :(

    I don't discount people online, they are a lifeline, but I need more... But I can't get more.

    And I used to believe that tomorrow could be better, but that was many, many yesterdays ago. It never improves.
  9. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    steffen please don't do anything to hurt yourself! :hug: i'm here if you need to talk or anything!
    there are things you can do to get better, get a job, make friends and be happy :arms: it just takes a while but you have to persevere :smile:
    please keep strong hun xx
  10. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Adding injury to... other injury, my shoulder is in excrutiating pain. It just gets better and better.
  11. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    It will get better nothing in this world stays the same-you don't stay happy 24/7 and you don't stay sad 24/7 so it has to get better.

    In the meantime we are here for you. :arms:

    Did you hurt your shoulder? What happened?

    Hugs B
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I have no idea what happened to my shoulder but it gets worse day by day... Not really a huge deal, just frustrating to deal with severe physical pain in addition to everything else.

    Oh, and icing it made it a hell of a lot worse. Hooray.
  13. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Yah the physical pain and mental pain combo is a bitch I know. Some days it is hard to know what came first the pain or the depression.

    You doing better at all mentally?

    I am around if you want to PM me.

    Hugs B
  14. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    You know, teh shoulder actually distracts from the other stuff. So I guess I am.
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Maybe get in and get shoulder looked at physical pain can wear you out. I hope you stay well both mentally and physically. take care
  16. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    The shoulder improved...

    So now I'm lonely again! Hooray!
  17. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    My closest friend insisted all evening she was going to kill herself. It hurt so much... She's not tonight, but she'll make no promises about even tomorrow. :(
  18. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm starting to get more serious about my suicide. I've begun doing more studious research into my method, I don't think it'll be long now. I'm out of hope, I'm out of chances.
  19. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Haha, grand, and now my bike is broken down and my laptop is on the fritz.
  20. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think what is needed is to change up your enviroment your daily routines do something different okay. Ask your friend what she would like to do go for a swim anything to get you out of this negative mindset. I really hope you start feeling better because i know how frustrating life can be I know why not just go outside and scream top of your lungs i do that sometimes. I am in the country though your might scare your neighbors forwarn them first. take care.
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