Guidance please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by drummer, Oct 14, 2013.

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  1. drummer

    drummer Member

    Hi, New to this site so don't know if I'll get the answers I'm looking for but it's worth a go.

    I'm looking for an answer to a fairly simple question - at least, I think it's simple. Is it right to life your life solely for others?

    Let me explain. I'm depressed and have considered taking my life on several occasions. A recent failed attempt made me think about the repercussions of my actions to my family etc and it was then that this question popped into my head. Quite simply, the only reason I could think of not to go through with it was because of the hurt it would cause those around me - I couldn't think of a single reason for me to keep going in relation to my own life, it was about those around me. I know that may come across as selfish, and it may well be, but the reality is that I have nothing in my own life that make me want to keep going - no job as I was made redundant months ago, my girlfriend left me, I've no money, no prospects, my health is failing - the list goes on!

    The only reason I have to keep going and subsequently continue to feel so low and pointless is that it would hurt others if I did go through with it. Is that right? Is that fair?

    So that's my question - is it right that I should continue with this pathetic excuse for a life purely for the sake of others? Is it right that I should have to feel this bad to save others from pain?

    I don't think that it is and that, if I'm honest, concerns me as that pretty much removes the only thing keeping me here. Hopefully someone on here can offer an opinion / help on this.

    Thank you.
  2. lutz

    lutz Member

    Hi, personally I don't think your being selfish. I completely understand where you are at. We love those in our lives and don't want to hurt them. However, I often wonder if they truly knew the pain we felt, you are feeling, would they give you their blessing or with hold while also wondering about their own selfishness. Personally I've decided to go ahead with it. I know it will hurt others, even stigmatize them but isn't it worse to be getting weekly calls from me so bing on the phone talking about death? Or come see me in the psych hospital, which they just can't understand my need for. Ultimately it's your family and you know best. I think your wondering about being selfish means you aren't selfish.
  3. cots

    cots Well-Known Member

    I have been thinking about that for a long time now. I have been in pain for a very long time and would love to put a stop to it, but I take a look around and I just couldn't do it. I can't even bear to think about the pain I will cause my loved ones if I was to be gone. Right now I'm just living day to day the best that I can, numbing the pain with any distraction I can find to tide over the down moments. Not sure how long more I can last.

    But there are times I feel like everyone would be happier if I was to be dead though. I mean, they'd probably cry for a couple of months but after that, they'll be free of a pest and a grub that is me, and I'd be free of pain and suffering.

    I'm sorry for not being able to provide a useful answer. This is just my two cents worth to this matter.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It isn't fair or right that anyone has to live a life filled with pain only to insure others aren't hurt. And by doing so, you only dig yourself deeper into your despair and depression. It may give you a reason to hold on, but you can find a better one. Something that you will do for YOU and not others. You need to decide to either accept where and who you are right now or work towards changing that. But once you make that decision, you no longer need to hang on to prevent someone else's hurt. Both options give you the opportunity to research your depression. Look into some form of professional help like a therapist etc. to help you understand where you are, where you might like to be and how to make things change. Once you start thinking about your needs instead of others, you will see a change in how you, and others, see you. If nothing else, getting some help gives your mind a distraction from your circumstances for a bit. And sometimes that little bit is enough for you to see a better road ahead. Keep posting and sharing with members here. Read other posts to find advice. Offer your experiences to others as a way to help them and yourself. You may soon find that the reason you keep holding on is because you want to be here as much as those in your life need you to be. Hope that gives you something to think about.
  5. drummer

    drummer Member

    Thanks for your feedback. It means a lot.

    I'm still no clearer on the way forward. The funny thing about this whole f--ked up situation is that its effectively a kind of guilt that is keeping me here - if I did take my life, I'd be responsible for hurting those around me . . . . . but if I'm gone, I wouldn't be about to actually FEEL that guilt!

    I'll keep on this site and with a bit of luck, I might find the answers I'm looking for.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend took those words right out of my mouth. Sometimes I feel like I care too much about how others feel. Guilty as to what I will cause and leave behind. But the reality of it all is that I won't be here to feel anything anymore, much less guilty. Glad you're planning on sticking around and I hope that you do find those answers.
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