My depression has always been a part of me. I've carried a heavy sadness and nervousness with me since I was a child. I know it is an inherent condition and not something I learned or created, as a lot of people seem to believe. (Mental illness runs in my family; it's real.) That said, negative events in life have a strong impact on a person's psyche, as well. Their effects can be magnified by the inherent depression and send a person into a more severe depression that it is hard to understand by others, who deal with setbacks more easily. For most of my life I was "stronger" than my inherent depression. It caused me a lot of pain, but it didn't rule my life. However for the past 5 years or so my depression has been on the ascent and now is the dominant force in my life. I have never felt such despair as I do now. I know one of the reasons my depression took over was the break-up of my second marriage, which was completely my fault, and the subsequent guilt I've felt ever since. I had always thought of myself as a good person, but after the way I hurt my beautiful, loving wife (not physically), my conception of myself as a good person shattered. This realization didn't come immediately, as I was in denial about a lot of things for quite some time. But eventually it hit me like a hammer. I am incredibly lonely and would do anything to get her back, and I did try. But it's far too late. I have to live with the loneliness, regret, shame, and guilt for the rest of my life. Carrying guilt is a heavy burden. I did eventually apologize and ask her forgiveness, and she did forgive me and is friendly toward me. But I know she went through a lot of pain. My problem is I cannot forgive myself. Recently I started going to a church, where we meet in groups and discuss the Bible and other things. I told the group about the guilt I carry. They told me that Jesus Christ takes away our sins if we accept Him. (I apologize if this is offensive or stupid to the non-Christians reading this.) Forgiveness is a miraculous gift offered to everyone by a loving God. All you need do is repent in your heart. I did repent, and I want to believe I am forgiven by the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. But I simply cannot get rid of the guilt. I cannot forgive myself, even if God can. I saw how others in the church group, some of whom did awful things, were transformed and overjoyed by God's forgiveness. Why can't I be? I just have this feeling that I'm damned for what I did. Perhaps I just mourn for what I lost. Has anyone here been tormented by guilt and later were able to forgive themselves?