guilt on guilt

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by daveyjones, Aug 20, 2012.

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  1. daveyjones

    daveyjones Member


    I am in a fix. I am generally am not happy with life. I have a lovely wife and 3 small kids and a job. In my job I am an expert and senior manager but it just bores me now. I am fed up with all the politics, people rubbish and stuff. I want to manage a high performance team but spend 50% of my time on massaging egos, putting people through disiplinaried for not working hard enough etc etc.

    I have been married for 6 years, it stared well but my wife got PND after child 1 and still has it to a degree after child 3. I am not an emotional guy and just do not give her the emotional support she needs. I clam up if things are difficult. she often says that I am not giving her what she needs and we should split if it does not change. It does not and we perhaps should. We do love each other but that is not enough. We rarely have sex (1 time in the last year!) and she often says we are just two people living in a house. We both like it but its not happening.

    I know quite a few people but I have few if any good friends. We moved to a new town a year ago. My wife now has a circle of girl friends through school and preschool. I have been out 4 times with people in a whole year and no one is knocking down the door for social activity with me.

    My dad died 2 years ago and I only have my mother left, no siblings, cousins etc. My mum is about but there is tension between my wife and mother and it is always questionable if their meeting will end well. My mother is sick and she does not likely have many years left on the planet.

    My kids are lovely. People always comment on how happy and cute they are. They always have issues being young (5,4 & 2) but recently it has gone to shit. I recently caught one touching the other inappropriately and this has put my wife into a nose dive. it has happened on a couple of occasions apparently but we do not know where the kid got it from. I have looked at porn rarely on the net, did he see that. Is he being abused by a relative or teacher? Is he just sick in the head and we should be really worried. Which ever way we look at it its awful. If we can finally get my son to talk and he did see it on my PC I can not live. because of what I may have inadvertantly done, the reaction from my wife, etc etc. Please note, I have not abused my kids, he just wont talk about the reasons for his actions so I am having to guess and take a worst case scenario. I would love it to be my accidental fault and not outside sexual abuse but that then also make my life untenable.

    but heres the rub, I am sooo freeking untruistic. I have read much on the affect of suicide on the survivors and the guilt the feel/ suffer. But I think that its likely that my wife will want me dead, I have next to no family, no true friends. I hate my job. I do not want a life without my wife and kids and if I have to leave, is there any point in carrying on?

    Should I feel guilty for ending my life given the possible remorse my wife and children might/will feel about me? Is it fair on me to have to stay alive and live in poverty with little contact with my family to save them the grief of my death?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You fight for equal rights to your kids It is in their best interest they have both parents caring for them even if it is seperate. You will be setting you children up for suicidal traits if you leave You will have taught them that is is an option. As far as love goes well sorry sex is just that sex love for someone comes from the heart

    Marriage councilling have you tried that before ending it all get councilling to see if feeling can be changed Your children are all so young they do not understand what they are doing when they are touching something inappropriately That is where the parents come in and teach the child what is right and wrong. Your children will always love you and need you so fight for YOUR rights hun get equal visitation right. hugs
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Like you, I was in senior management for a large Fortune 500 company at one time. Huge responsibilities and a "dream job" for many, but I hated the politics of the corporate world so I worked hard to develop a plan to go into business for myself doing something I enjoyed. That was successful and I have only one boss now: myself. You can take the reigns and design your own future too. It may not be the same as mine, but you can control it.

    As for your children - get them into some therapy. As you're in a good work position, you likely have good insurance. Take advantage of that and get them some help. You cannot blame yourself for the actions of another, but they are your kids and you have to help them resolve this.

    As for what a family feels after someone dies by suicide... I lost my son to this. If I was able to tell you what this did to myself, his brothers, and my wife... you would understand why suicide is never a solution.

    Take control, you're in a decent situation as far as ability to enlist support mechanisms, so make a plan and move toward it.
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