Guilt over having money

sadhart

SF Supporter
#1
Sorry in advance as this will sound dumb. So for the last month, I have been out of work, but have been fortunate to get both weekly unemployment as well as a stimulus check. I say fortunate because I know some people have not been able to get those things for one circumstance or another. So financially, I have been okay during this time. I have been able to pay my rent and stay up to date with bills. But I have also taking this time to buy some things I have wanted to buy for some time. I have never been the best at keeping with a strict budget, but I do manage to not be broke before my next paycheck. And yet, whenever I buy something, I feel guilty for doing so.

Part of it comes from knowing that some people who are also out of work aren't as fortunate as I have been financially. But there is also just this nagging feeling that if I'm not putting every cent into bills or debt or food then I'm squandering money. I have had people try to make it their business how much I have and spend so that isn't always helpful. I try not to "splurge" as if I see something i really want but it is a bit more than I care to spend, I will write it down as something to think about later. I also try not to buy stuff to fill some kind of emotional void, but sometimes maybe I do. Like I play video games and as I have gotten older I have found myself being somewhat of a collector as well as a gamer. Part of why is because back during my drinking years, alcohol became the one and only priority. So much so that i would sell video games for barely enough to get another bottle of booze. At one point, I nearly sold my entire collection, but my mother who had a tendency to procrastinate, never got around to sending them to me during that time. It wasn't until I had been sober for over a year that I was able to get them back. I remember being so shocked because I had forgotten I had certain games in my collection and it hit me hard how had she given me those games when i was still drinking, I probably would have sold them all without thinking. So I guess as superficial as it sounds, being a gamer is somewhat a big motivation in staying sober.

I'm sorry because I am rambling, but yeah....I guess I just wish I could feel comfortable with being okay with having money. Then again, maybe that isn't really possible. I'm sorry if none of this made sense.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Unless you screwed someone over, cheated others never be or feel guilty for what you have. Beyond that just view it as better opportunities came your way. There are many times I wish they came my way, but...

No reason at all to feel guilty for yourself.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#5
Is there a way you deal with these feelings?
I really wish I had an answer for that.. but I don't. Another of your threads you posted about the lockdown I was like "oh my god, this...right... here" so apparently we are in the same place mentally.

For me, I have a solid job. I'm not at risk of losing my job any time soon. I have money coming in and it's plenty to get me through and still save. And I feel guilty as shit saying that right not. Just writing that on the forum everything in me wants to delete that so that people won't judge me or talk shit. Someone just read that right now and thought I am an asshole, you know? They must! Someone is like "well fuckin' good for you, Matt, you fucking asshole".

So, no, I have no idea how you sort that feeling out in reality. I think you have to try not to feel bad for having a savings and getting your unemployment on time. We, as Americans, are often only a paycheck or to away from sleeping outside, you know? *I* realize that while someone is potentially thinking Bad Things because I have a solid job right now we're all still in a very similar place. I don't think I am better than anyone at all, that's for sure. *I* realize that I am a couple of paychecks away from losing everything. I think that the way *you* look at yourself is where it's at. If you realize that others are struggling and help out if and when you can then you're doing all you can. (clearly you should not be doing much because you're not in a position to do that. You need to do as much for yourself and positioning yourself back into the workforce right now that you can but if you find yourself with a spare dollar or a pack of TP or whatever that someone else can use then go for it. I gave a homeless guy an N95 mask the other day and I thought that guy was going to fricking cry)

I wish I had something practical or useful here but in the end you have to remember humanity as well as yourself. Balance. I think just by acknowledging that there is an issue you've struck a balance in your head. I sense you don't have a need for guilt here, man. (Pot = kettle) It was good to talk this out even though I'm rambling. I'm sure I'm talking to myself as much to you. :)
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#6
I really wish I had an answer for that.. but I don't. Another of your threads you posted about the lockdown I was like "oh my god, this...right... here" so apparently we are in the same place mentally.

For me, I have a solid job. I'm not at risk of losing my job any time soon. I have money coming in and it's plenty to get me through and still save. And I feel guilty as shit saying that right not. Just writing that on the forum everything in me wants to delete that so that people won't judge me or talk shit. Someone just read that right now and thought I am an asshole, you know? They must! Someone is like "well fuckin' good for you, Matt, you fucking asshole".

So, no, I have no idea how you sort that feeling out in reality. I think you have to try not to feel bad for having a savings and getting your unemployment on time. We, as Americans, are often only a paycheck or to away from sleeping outside, you know? *I* realize that while someone is potentially thinking Bad Things because I have a solid job right now we're all still in a very similar place. I don't think I am better than anyone at all, that's for sure. *I* realize that I am a couple of paychecks away from losing everything. I think that the way *you* look at yourself is where it's at. If you realize that others are struggling and help out if and when you can then you're doing all you can. (clearly you should not be doing much because you're not in a position to do that. You need to do as much for yourself and positioning yourself back into the workforce right now that you can but if you find yourself with a spare dollar or a pack of TP or whatever that someone else can use then go for it. I gave a homeless guy an N95 mask the other day and I thought that guy was going to fricking cry)

I wish I had something practical or useful here but in the end you have to remember humanity as well as yourself. Balance. I think just by acknowledging that there is an issue you've struck a balance in your head. I sense you don't have a need for guilt here, man. (Pot = kettle) It was good to talk this out even though I'm rambling. I'm sure I'm talking to myself as much to you. :)
Thanks for sharing this. I will try to remind myself what you have said. I found out today that I am going back to work on Monday. I think only some of us is coming back for now from what it sounds like. I am relieved but a bit nervous as it sounds like there will be new rules to adjust.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#7
Hey I'm glad you're going back to work. A bit of "normalcy" might feel good. (Cannot for the life of me think what it is you do for work) I had been in the house, literally in my bedroom, for several weeks before finally going to work early this month and I was like "aahhhh"..! I can live with staying home really, it's not huge. I work night shift and it's quiet and less germy and we're social distancing there but just leaving most days is good for your brain. Driving the car, listening to ten minutes of music, remembering that this isn't going to last forever.

Good luck. You got this.
(I'm looking forward to a haircut this weekend. I really hope that happens)
 

Ixtab

Well-Known Member
#8
If squandering makes you feel empty then donate to your favorite cause and you’ll feel better.

“No one ever became poor from giving. “ -Anne Frank
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#9
Hey I'm glad you're going back to work. A bit of "normalcy" might feel good. (Cannot for the life of me think what it is you do for work) I had been in the house, literally in my bedroom, for several weeks before finally going to work early this month and I was like "aahhhh"..! I can live with staying home really, it's not huge. I work night shift and it's quiet and less germy and we're social distancing there but just leaving most days is good for your brain. Driving the car, listening to ten minutes of music, remembering that this isn't going to last forever.

Good luck. You got this.
(I'm looking forward to a haircut this weekend. I really hope that happens)
Thanks. I work in a plant that makes floor pans for BMW. It's not really a lot of people working there. (Less than a 1000 I think). I'm at least glad i'm not working the actual BMW plant which has about 11,000 workers.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#10
If squandering makes you feel empty then donate to your favorite cause and you’ll feel better.

“No one ever became poor from giving. “ -Anne Frank
Yeah, I have, but I can only give so much at a time. Before the lockdowns over this pandemic, I was thinking of doing something that would be a little more practical. Maybe i will try to explore that option some more.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#11
I work in a plant that makes floor pans for BMW
huh For some odd reason I thought this would sounds familiar but nope, not even a little. That's cool though. I thought most of those were overseas lol Shows what I know.
 

Auri

🎸🎶Metal Star🎵🥁
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#12
I can somewhat relate to the guilt, but I'm ultimately dealing with it differently than you. @sadhart , you work for your money, you do what you want with your money (as long as it's legal and ethical, I'd say). The fact other people cannot access financial support is a big problem, but you're not the one responsible for it, and you're not solving it either by making yourself more miserable.

It makes you a very beautiful person to think about those in need. You would benefit from giving a part of yourself for others, consider that, but whether you buy a game or not, that has practically zero impact on others. If it uplifts your mood enough to be able to help people in need, that is better already, but you're the first and easiest person you can and should help. I can feel that you're not falling into any form of unhealthy or unethical pattern, so please, please yourself.

I also try not to buy stuff to fill some kind of emotional void, but sometimes maybe I do.
That's good. ;) Many of us currently buy things because of the special circumstances : we can't deny that buying something - no, acquiring something material that matters to us in some way - makes us feel better. It has its limits - past a certain point acquiring things won't fill a void that is caused by something entirely different than simply the fact you like playing and collecting games, but then we should be aware of that void, and investigate and cure using other methods, like therapy, etc.

somewhat of a collector as well as a gamer.
In this Age it is very hard to admit that we are to a certain extent materialistic, that we enjoy owning certain things - for legitimate reasons though, e.g. environmental, political, moral. But you need to find the right balance between what your heart desires and what is better for all. Don't let your conscience ruin your potential for good, because that's what happens when you completely overlook yourself and your life, and the impact isn't in the favour of "the world/others" anymore (which you are a part of). It's just making you feel worse, which benefits no one*.

*I know I am playing with fire here because some could interpret this as : you can do shitty things as long as you do more good on the other side. I hope everyone understands the subtle but important difference without having to debate the limits of utilitarianism. Anyhow, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I am out of this conversation and won't read any replies about this. Cheers. ♡

Collecting art has always been a fulfilling activity, it gives a certain purpose, it makes you learn things as you see the collection progressing, it allows you to share about it with others, or be part of some community, etc. Beautiful things everyone desires and deserves.
Feeling good yourself is the first step to have a positive impact on the world. Art is the best thing about human beings, and I think it is a fundamental right to have access to it (I'm getting intense, lol). Obviously here I mean art in a very broad sense, including everything that entertains us with no other purpose, like games, movies, literature, clothes, tattoos, cooking, whatever. The variety of them only shows how varied our tastes and passions are, and you can choose the art forms you enjoy the most, and support them (by "consuming" them). Supporting artists is also a good thing, btw.

Sorry for going in a completely different direction here, that's probably not what you expected to hear. x) What I want to say is that at some point, you need to help yourself and allow yourself to have the collection you want. You are a little part of this world and deserve part of its joy. The ultimate goal is to make as many people happier as possible, not to make them feel guiltier. Being conscious is good, feeling guilty, meh.

So I guess as superficial as it sounds, being a gamer is somewhat a big motivation in staying sober.
It only sounds superficial in the mind of those who think games are useless, stupid, harmful or whatever. I'm no gamer at all, but in my book it's hypocritical to call anyone's passion or interest superficial (within the ethical and legal, as always). I suppose what makes a thing superficial is the difference between the way you portray it and the way you actually use it. More or less that. ^^

Sure, I'd be happy for you if you could stay sober "simply" because you don't want to harm yourself anymore, but the vast majority of people survive thanks to what I called art in this post, including the more entertaining forms of it. We would all suffer so much more without them.

It generally helps me to rationalize things, so perhaps something in there helps you too. I hope so. In any case, take good care of yourself. *hug
 

Nick

☆☆Admin-tastic ☆☆
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#13
So here's the deal, I'm in a much different place financially than you. I'm not envious or jealous though. I don't think for one second that you, or anyone else, should go without or give me what they have just because I don't. Nobody needs to feel guilty here. The way I see it, my situation is my problem. So do what you need to and want to with your money. It's yours! You aren't going out an recklessly spending it and then asking me to pay your bills here.

As for going back to work, I hope it goes well for you. Stay safe and do what you need to.
 

Ixtab

Well-Known Member
#14
Life is a trip sometimes. I aspire to donate and help to the level my grandparents did. One of their friends when they were old almost died from not having a defibrillator in the ambulance. My grandparents bought one for every ambulance and years of training for the emt’s. Another place they lived I was talking to the guy who owned the general store, he was going on and on about the fire truck broke (he was volunteer fire chief too) and an anonymous donor bought the town a new one.

He pulled me aside and told me he does the books at the fire house and knew it was my grandparents and they wanted it a secret.
All I do is send a few bucks every month for a charity I like all year, usually changing it each year.

The one I’m doing now brings computers and trains teachers in the hood to teach coding to the youth who other wise have no access, exposure, chance to discover their talent. (Happened for me when I was going to school).

We are all doomed but I like the illusion that I can live my life leaving earth and its people better than I found it.

I know most likely wrong but it’s getting me through.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#15
I can somewhat relate to the guilt, but I'm ultimately dealing with it differently than you. @sadhart , you work for your money, you do what you want with your money (as long as it's legal and ethical, I'd say). The fact other people cannot access financial support is a big problem, but you're not the one responsible for it, and you're not solving it either by making yourself more miserable.

It makes you a very beautiful person to think about those in need. You would benefit from giving a part of yourself for others, consider that, but whether you buy a game or not, that has practically zero impact on others. If it uplifts your mood enough to be able to help people in need, that is better already, but you're the first and easiest person you can and should help. I can feel that you're not falling into any form of unhealthy or unethical pattern, so please, please yourself.


That's good. ;) Many of us currently buy things because of the special circumstances : we can't deny that buying something - no, acquiring something material that matters to us in some way - makes us feel better. It has its limits - past a certain point acquiring things won't fill a void that is caused by something entirely different than simply the fact you like playing and collecting games, but then we should be aware of that void, and investigate and cure using other methods, like therapy, etc.


In this Age it is very hard to admit that we are to a certain extent materialistic, that we enjoy owning certain things - for legitimate reasons though, e.g. environmental, political, moral. But you need to find the right balance between what your heart desires and what is better for all. Don't let your conscience ruin your potential for good, because that's what happens when you completely overlook yourself and your life, and the impact isn't in the favour of "the world/others" anymore (which you are a part of). It's just making you feel worse, which benefits no one*.

*I know I am playing with fire here because some could interpret this as : you can do shitty things as long as you do more good on the other side. I hope everyone understands the subtle but important difference without having to debate the limits of utilitarianism. Anyhow, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I am out of this conversation and won't read any replies about this. Cheers. ♡

Collecting art has always been a fulfilling activity, it gives a certain purpose, it makes you learn things as you see the collection progressing, it allows you to share about it with others, or be part of some community, etc. Beautiful things everyone desires and deserves.
Feeling good yourself is the first step to have a positive impact on the world. Art is the best thing about human beings, and I think it is a fundamental right to have access to it (I'm getting intense, lol). Obviously here I mean art in a very broad sense, including everything that entertains us with no other purpose, like games, movies, literature, clothes, tattoos, cooking, whatever. The variety of them only shows how varied our tastes and passions are, and you can choose the art forms you enjoy the most, and support them (by "consuming" them). Supporting artists is also a good thing, btw.

Sorry for going in a completely different direction here, that's probably not what you expected to hear. x) What I want to say is that at some point, you need to help yourself and allow yourself to have the collection you want. You are a little part of this world and deserve part of its joy. The ultimate goal is to make as many people happier as possible, not to make them feel guiltier. Being conscious is good, feeling guilty, meh.


It only sounds superficial in the mind of those who think games are useless, stupid, harmful or whatever. I'm no gamer at all, but in my book it's hypocritical to call anyone's passion or interest superficial (within the ethical and legal, as always). I suppose what makes a thing superficial is the difference between the way you portray it and the way you actually use it. More or less that. ^^

Sure, I'd be happy for you if you could stay sober "simply" because you don't want to harm yourself anymore, but the vast majority of people survive thanks to what I called art in this post, including the more entertaining forms of it. We would all suffer so much more without them.

It generally helps me to rationalize things, so perhaps something in there helps you too. I hope so. In any case, take good care of yourself. *hug
I feel guilt over a lot of things. I think it's just how I am.
 

sadhart

SF Supporter
#16
huh For some odd reason I thought this would sounds familiar but nope, not even a little. That's cool though. I thought most of those were overseas lol Shows what I know.
There are other plants, I think at least one overseas but apparently, we are the only one operating at the moment.
 

Auri

🎸🎶Metal Star🎵🥁
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#19
I know what you're saying is true, but i'm sorry because right now, I feel really disheartened.
You don't have to be sorry, I'm sorry you feel so bad, and I'm guessing not only because of the topic of this thread. *sadhug
 

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