1. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    Before I joined SF I had been having suicidal thoughts for around two years and with the exception of my husband and GP I had told no-one. I felt ashamed and didn't want to seem like I was an attention seeker. I didn't want it to compromise my job either. But I had a meltdown on the phone to my mother and said that I wanted to die so badly because life was just never going to happen for me. She text my husband asking him to rush home to see if I was okay. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I do want to die and I feel like the feelings are pushing me closer than they ever have but I don't want to hurt my mum. So I will not mention it again to her. My husband was angry so I don't want to say to him again. I know my time is not far off. The thoughts are so intense. I feel selfish not thinking about my mum and I feel terrible guilt. I just want to go so badly. I feel like I am just waiting on the right day or time.
  2. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Are you safe? It's okay to get help for the thoughts. Hugs Here if you want to talk.

    My husband gets upset too but only when he hears about the thoughts I have from someone else so I try to be direct with him about it but get scared at times.

    I hope things gets better soon. Here for you anytime you want to talk.

    Don't give up.
  3. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    I'm safe I'm with the kids thanks. Why does it all have to be so complicated?
  4. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're safe. Hugs

    Sorry you're struggling through so much. Here for you.
    mentalhealthnurse likes this.
  5. travelgal8605

    travelgal8605 New Member

    Hey mentalhealthnurse, I’m sorry you’re struggling. Please don’t feel ashamed, we all struggle in our own ways. From your use name it sounds like you might work as a nurse? If that’s the case, I bet you see a lot of people who realize they need help or someone else realizes they need help. Is there someone else you could reach out to? Have you ever considered speaking with a counselor? Please be brave and seek help. *hugs*
    mentalhealthnurse likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    There is no ''right'' day or time honey. You are here and here for a reason. I know that sounds like BS to you right now while you're in this frame of mind but it is true and I am sure you are amazing at your job, think of all the people you can possibly help, so much potential there. You deserve to get better and rid of these thoughts, phone the samaritans and just let it all out, I bet it will help. I think you are an amazing person, don't feel guilty for being ill. You're a lovely sweet nurse :)
    mentalhealthnurse likes this.