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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    Do I deserve to feel better?

    I would say I am more or less responsible for my dogs let getting amputated, based on things I didnt do and things I should have done and things I probably did

    Should I have to be pained everytime I see my dog struggle to walk or just see him walking with 3 legs

    I think maybe I deserve what I am getting, it has been about 15 months since he had his leg get amputated and it isnt getting any easier, it is getting worse actually, I use to be so close with my dog, maybe in a pathetic way but you couldnt imagine a dog and a human being as close as me and my dog I loved my dog more then anything and my dog loved me, we were so close, until the day my dog got his lab results back and they said he didnt have a tumor(somethign I knew and blame myself for not getting a 2nd opinion)

    I dont know maybe I shouldnt feel guilty and like everything else internalize my anger and maybe I should have lashed out at the asshole vet who told me my dog had a tumor and needed his leg amputated

    whatever, I am fucked up, regardless if I had taken better care of my dog he wouldnt have been in the position to get his leg amputated and if I would have gotten a 2nd opinion like every instinct in me told me to do, he probably wouldnt have got his leg amputated


    Now I feel like a hypocrite everytime I try to cuddle with my dog or give him a kiss, he never even goes into my bed to sleep with me anymore(something he used to do every night)

    Damn I miss my dog, I would do anything to go back about 18 months and do what I can to prevent him from getting his leg amputated


    god damn I miss my dog, I also miss my concience which died the day my vet told me my dog didnt have a tumor(when every instinct told me he didnt and told me to get a 2nd opinion)

    Damn I would love to go back about 18 months
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2008
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    :hug: im sorry about your dog..

    ik its hard to watch him struggle.. and you wanna place blame on yourself..

    but it won't help
    nor will it fix the situation

    you just gotta focus on positive.

    im here if you wanna PM me

    -Rach
     
  3. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    well thanks for the reply, but If I didnt think I deserved the blame I wouldnt feel so guilty, if my dog had randomly got hit by a car or I accidently stepped on it(and he needed his leg amputated) I would probably get over it, but the fact I was neglectful and might have hurt him in a rage which caused him to get hurt means I dont deserve to be forgiven, you cant run from your concience, that was something I was aware of before this incident with my dog happened and definetly something I was aware of when I opted not to get a 2nd opinion, now I am paying the price, your concience is something you cant run from
     
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    oh boy do i know that...
    your concience is always with you..

    but it'll get better.. give yourself even MORE time to forgive.
    you really need to try and leave the past, in the past

    :hug:
    -Rach
     
  5. Tom88

    Tom88 Member

    I used to have 2 ferrets and recently one of them passed away due to Lymphoma which is a malignancy in ferrets thats very lethal... I beat myself up every day for not making the time to take him to the vet and it killed me alot when he did pass away :( . I can, however, relate to you in the fact that I still have another ferret, and I love her to death, and ive made it my personal obligation to make sure she is happy, I play with her, spend lots of time with her and just do anything I can to make her happy... and yea I probally give her too many treats but I cant help it! Anyway what im trying to say is that maybe you could focus on the happy moments of your dogs life instead of the struggling, because thats all that really matters most of the time, the fun times. Then again I could be totally off and making an ass of myself but that is my two cents, take it as you want.
     
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