Had an angry arguement with my mom yesterday. I've never explained fully my depression to her, much less suicidal thoughts. But she started with the "this is what you have to do" speech. Though the speech made me angry, I tried to tell her (probably not very well) how I'm feeling and where I am. Yet she still tried to tell me how to get "better". At one point she asked me what I want to do with my life, because I am not getting any younger. I responded that you can't "scare" me into getting better any more than telling me to snap out of it. After she left, I felt really guilty about it because she's only trying to help afterall. There's guilt about alienating someone who cares about you and trying to help. There's only so much family and friends can do for us, since it's really up to us to fix ourselves. I could only justify my anger yesterday as ground work for the day I choose to leave - it may help lessen the pain when she reflect back on how mean I was.