Hello. As like many of you, I don't know what to do. The last few weeks of my life have been awkward, dangerous, self-destructing and consuming me. I have done actions I don't normally commit, and I feel dirty, like a creep, like a real criminal. Few weeks ago, I made silly letters to a girl online, and for some time she replied, and then she stopped, and then came facebook games. She liked me initially, wouldn't mind knowing me better, but somewhere I crossed the line, and I broke, and now there is no response, despite not being blocked, despite not being given anything to say. In the meantime, I attempted to shoplift 10 dollars worth of food out of a supermarket, I was caught, they laughed at me, and they plastered me all over the supermarket as an example, and had a police woman drive me off to an emergency room. I was charged 270 dollars, and 424 more for the theft itself, and I am very low income, I cannot pay this off, I am hoping for some kind of appeal. I am angry, I feel like I have taken away an unreasonable amount of priviledges so I bombarded them with countless messages on their answering machine and they have not replied, and only cashed my check. I am afraid the day I go to court in a few weeks, its all over for me. In the meantime, I meet a girl I haven't seen her in months, add her on facebook, and in a single day, she removes me, after a bad, apparently creepy wall post on hers, and that was it. Sulken, I shut it down, and I started having nightmares about my mom, my father, whom are no longer with me. I feel like these parties are making fun of me. I feel like they're out to get me, I don't know what to do. I cannot sleep, I wasted my life doing shit I shouldn't and I am faced with impossible tasks. I have never found any love in my life, the only real connection I ever had was with my mother growing up, any attempt with any woman has ended up in dismal failure, because I was too shy, unsure , or sometimes just creepy, and overwhelming from the start. My mother died of cancer, I became socially isolated for these last 5 years of my life, and for the first time in those 5 years, I have broken down and cried. I want to go away, I want this to stop, I never want to feel like this. Its happened so many times before, but this is the last straw I feel, I'm at the end. None of my friends are willing to help me, they think I'm crazy, I deserve it, and I am ashamed to tell anyone in my extended family. I live with my brother, and I am afraid what will happen to him as I am the sole provider for him. I don't want people to see me this pathetic, I have attempted suicide before, I have been in the emergency room, but this time...even thought I'm not doing right now, my mind is drawing blanks, I want out. I wish I could stop myself from sending anything to those women. I wish I didn't do that fucking idiotic attempt at shoplifting. I wish I kept my thoughts to myself. I don't want to go to jail, I'm not a criminal, I didn't mean to, I had a lapse of reasoning...GOD. They're creeped out, I didn't mean to, I just wanted to be friends and thats it...THE FUCK..lhoWD did it end up to this? I'm not myself...HELP.