Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by wheresmysheep, Apr 7, 2011.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I am starting to feel guilty in regards to my mother.

    I think she has split form her partner who was with her when i moved out. And now that my brother is safe and living with his father, I think she is alone.
    She has no friends, no family, nothing.

    So I am starting to get pangs of guilt of her being alone having no one and i feel i should be there for her. but she is so toxic.
  2. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    im in a similar situation with my dad.
    in the end you can only do so much. no one should go out of their way and suffer from wanting to make someone feel better.
    maybe you can give her a call every now and then or stop by to chat for a little before she makes you feel bad.
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I've moved county away from her. and she normally has drink on her if/when i call, so its abusive regardless. Its a loose/loose situation.
  4. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i guess you cant help her if she doesnt want to help herself and doesnt appreciate your help. she has to come to her senses first. you should not let her abuse you.
    i know how you must feel about it though. its frustrating
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I swing in how i feel about it. I look back and feel i shouldnt have anythign to do with her anymore, even tho she is my mother. and then i feel bad, because i never want to be left alone.
    But she did it to herself. I didnt do it.
    I'm her daughter, I've picked her up many times, raised her child. I shouldnt have to fix it again and neglect my life and my progress in life. -.-
  6. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    exactly. YOU are the daughter, not the other way around.
    i know shes still your mother but if she cant treat you like you treat her, then its time for alittle distance.
    parents can do so much damage. its great that your moving on with your life.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sheep, I agree with Loud Silence.. If your mom is going to do nothing for herself then what ever you try will not make a difference..You can keep in touch with her over the telephone..If she gets abusive then just hang up..Eventually she will learn to be more respectfull..Take Care!!
  8. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I agree with what Loud and Stranger have said, hun. You live for you - you deserve it :smile:
  9. kmj221

    kmj221 Well-Known Member

    I too had to cut my parents out of my life, and it was/is hard, but I knew it would better for me. It's now been 12 years since I've talked to them I feel guilty thinking about them getting older and not being here much longer. The confusion they must have because I just stopped talking or calling them. Hec, I moved a few states away but, I do know that if I had that chaos in my life I would have left this world a long time ago. You have to do what is best for you!!! kmj221
  10. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is difficult to do, but she is the parent, and if she needs intervention, then she should get must have a life as well and not feel guilty living your life...we all compromise to care for ppl we are concerned about, but at what cost???
  11. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    yeah, its always been at my expence. But i know no different, and i do still hold the hope that she will turn round and actually be my mother. And i think that hurts more.
    She has done alot wrong. but i dont want her hurt/depressed/possibly end.
    I will blame myself for all those things.
    Think the only thing i ever wanted was a proper family unit. -sigh-
  12. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Em :hug:

    As the others have stated, live your life for you. I know from experience helping someone is great, but not if it makes you feel worse. Take care of yourself first and foremost :hug:
  13. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Friend and Antiquities Friend Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Agree with Jackie. You are not responsible for your mother. But I do understand where you are coming from. Don't know what else to say but that I care for you and am here if you need to talk :hug:
  14. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Thank you guys :hug:
    Dont knwo how im going to handle this. but i do have to put myself first. just have to try not feel guilty.
    :wub: you's
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