1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.


Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Cariad_Bach, Dec 28, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    How to deal with it?

    What do you do if you have really done something awful: so awful that you can't tell anyone, and there's no chance of forgiveness?

    Do you just continue to be unworthy?

    What if when you tell people, they say you shouldn't feel guilty? Like, oh, ok great; its gone now! Like it works like that.

    Like they'd know anyway: only I know about me, right? And I know I'm guilty.

    So how to deal with it?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You go and get therapy to find some resolution of all this guilt you talk to a therapist who will help you see things correctly and will give you skills to move out of that guilt and to healing
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    If this person never forgives you, you can't just hold onto that for the rest of your life. You have to forgive yourself. All you can do is try to be a better person in the future. Just feeling guilty won't help that person and it won't help you. There's no definite method to get rid of it except to talk it out and know that you can't change the past. :hug:
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Short of killing/injuring someone for no reason, most everything else is forgiveable...I know this firsthand as I was able to forgive my father who tortured and raped me for years...if someone is unwilling to forgive you, and you have earnestly tried to gain his/her forgiveness, then it is his/her work...you cannot force anyone to forgive you, but you can make amends in other ways...is there a charity or such you can donate to or volunteer at the services people in a similar situation? Maybe exploring how to make amends within your own soul would be more productive
  5. IntoTheWoods

    IntoTheWoods Guest

    We must first learn to forgive ourselves and I agree with other posts, sometimes it is helpful to see a therapist to do this. No human is perfect, we all make mistakes to a greater or lesser degree, but I don't believe any baby is born bad and we are all products of our upbringing, just sometimes we make the wrong choices in life.
  6. darcy1

    darcy1 Well-Known Member

    i know how you feel. i am dealing with huge guilt issues...my mind just goes over and over them all day long...and then i take meds to help me sleep...and in my dreams the guilt, self hatred, regret, fears, and everything comes at me full force with 10 times the strength of my day time thoughts.

    i have been in therapy for about a year and the deeper i get into my issues the more guilt i feel and the more self hatred gets created until it has now become this unbearable unbreakable cycle.

    i have asked forgiveness from the people i hurt and they have forgiven me...and i try to forgive myself but it still comes at me every second of the day (uncontrolable inner voices yelling at me and chastizing me and telling me i am worthless and that the path is only going to get darker no matter what i do) and all night long. it's like the universe (or god or what ever you want to call it) has it's own seperate agenda and it will impose it's will upon you no matter what you say or think or do. karma i guess.

    i also deal with body dysmorphic disorder and an std. every couple i see or person i see, every tv show or movie, every book i pick up or picture i look at has this link within my mind that creates this endless circle back to guilt and self hatred linked to those things and past wrongs.

    and the nicer people are to me or when they forgive me...the angrier i get at myself and hate myself. one person who i hurt, when i apologized, forgave me...and i was like...no i want you to yell at me and be angry with me...but she wouldn't so i continue to lash out at myself.

    just when i think i have gotten to the bottom the pit gets darker and a dream will remind me of another guilt i have or another fear i have and constantly attack me with it in different forms all night long. and it will take on differnt forms or guises or representations in dreams.

    in my dreams they come after me for every alcoholic drink i ever drank, every cigarette i ever smoked, every gram of weed i smoked, every person i may have said something to weather it be a petty little thing or a bigger thing...they know every fear i have and the dreams create these nightmear senerios to live them through in move vivid detail than waking life.

    i call them "the shadows"...they are a part of me but they are also apart from me. i have no control over them any more.

    for myself...i have no solution. i pray a lot. i deny myself anything that gives me pleasure and take full resonsibility for everything. i throw things. rip up books. i write alot of it down in journals so when i finally do do the deed people can understand how bad it was and why i couldn't find my way out of the maze. i pace my apartment. go for walks. try to listen to music. i've tried self help books, spirituality, asking forgiveness, penence, doing good deeds, therapy, meds...nothing works for me.

    but it is destroying me...slowly...and that is something i have accepted. i lead a self destructive life and even though i stoped all those things...the path was already set so i can only watch the train wreck crash in slow motion and feel the fear and terror and sadness and hatred and guilt as it derails infront of my eyes. i have no choice. i am going crazy.

    don't get me wrong. i am not all bad...there is plenty of stuff i have done in my life that was good. i worked very hard at a job and helped a lot of people. i have mostly been kind and had a big heart to help out others in need...but the shadows don't care. they have thier own agenda...their own power.

    i wish you luck. i know the demon of guilt and it is the worst.

    if you find an answer let me know...

  7. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Guilt is hard for everyone to work through. The hardest part is that it takes time to work through it. Staying on the path to get the job done is what helps.

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.