I am having a hard time dealing with my loves suicide. I feel so selfish. The best feeling I ever had was knowing he loved me under good times and bad. For the most part we were happy. As of late we were having some arguments a month before Christmas. He died on Christmas eve. The hardest thing that ever happened to me. He left after an argument. I hate the thought of the person I was so close with, my best friend leaving and not knowing if he took his life hating me for the first time. We loved each other so much. I feel that he lost love and hope for us. Why take your life if we had so many plans. We did not even care about anyone else. We only wanted to be together. Just the two of us. He left me all alone. Now I wonder did he love me. We had fights in our past and we always gave each other a hug and things got better. I should have not dragged our arguments on so long. I miss him coming to me and saying I LOVE YOU. Right or wrong. Sorry was never a hard word. We always became closer and closer. I wish he was here so I could say I am sorry for our argument. We always thought about each others feeling. That night of the argument we said things that we did not mean. I know that. No hugging this time. He left hating me enough to take his life.