Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Wozza78, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. Wozza78

    Wozza78 Well-Known Member

    I recently lost my Nan. I went to the cremation and saw the effect it had on my family. Now I feel the only reason I'm living is out of a sense of guilt for what it would do to them. I'm living my life for them, but as far as their day to day lives go I am irrelevant. Their lives wouldn't change in the slightest if I was dead. I'm starting to feel very bitter and also even more guilty for feeling this way. i'm tired. I don't like this life. It's not worth the grind and I don't benefit from continuing to exist. I just want to slip into the darkness and fade away peacefully. I'm not good at this game and I don't want to play any more. God help me...
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well I can definitely tell you from my own personal experience that living your life solely for your family and not for yourself is a killer way to go! For the past few years or so, perhaps many more before, I only stuck around in order to save them, that is to keep from wrecking their lives. And my family does love me, to death. So, I get the guilt thing, and feel as though in many ways I'm dead to them and everyone else already. Because I don't live, not really, I exist, as you say, but just barely. Try to find some positive reason to be happy with yourself and want to do things good for you. Otherwise, I feel it's kind of a waste of time, just surviving death, so that you don't hurt others. There's got to be some meaning in your life, some passion or inspiration, a dream to chase, a love, friend, pet whatever you can identify as having some connection to. An idea, any new idea to focus on the present in order to make the future better would be good. If I can do it, You can do it. And you can do it better. Please give it a try. I really am sorry to hear of your loss. And best of luck to you in all you do.