Guy Gave Up On Me, Should I Even Bother?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by yous, Jun 11, 2010.

  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    Ok so I'm in this situation now I don't know what to do. And I'm just so stupid I know. So we got that part established, but I really need some advice or I think I'm just gonna kill myself, out of misery and stupidity if I don't find a solution and fast.

    Ok so the story goes, I was trying to be a good friend to this guy. We only met online and kept it that way. I realize he was never in to me at all, so the conversations were always about him. Fine. Whatever.

    I found out he was a lot like me in some ways, so I thought, finally a person who I can relate to and somehow feel comfortable around being me. He even mentioned not to give up on each other and to just keep talking to him if I wanted to. So I was like great. I hadn't really thought about it in the beginning, but our IMs became more fun and charming so I grew more attached.

    I got a bit angry that the conversations would always be one-way, so I tried testing him to see if he would ever really give any thought about me. He never really did. Sometimes our conversations would have something about me in it, but it was mainly all about him.

    Our last conversation somehow I got so fed up that I just made the entire conversation about him, and started asking him questions about his past relationships and friends. I figured I wasn't sure when was the last I'll speak to him so mind as well take this opportunity to know all about him. (he told me before he was an introvert, I had no idea introverts love to talk about themselves???? Please someone explain that).

    The conversation ended up I think, upset, embarrassing because he told me something personal that was embarrassing to him. And he ended up somehow turning our conversation on me, like I was lying or playing him in some way. He disappeared and now is refusing to talk to me. I don't get what happened. It's like everytime someone tells me something personal, they fear me now. Like I got their soul or something.....I know something about them I shouldn't and now they want nothing to do with me. Please someone explain!!!!????

    Ok so here's the thing, would it be alright to try to contact him again apologizing and saying I don't think of him any different? I need a guy's point of view here. I don't want to give up on him. I think he's a nice guy and funny. He won't answer my IMs, but I got his number. What should I do?

    Somebody help, I'm going bonkers.
     
  2. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Men are irrational.

    An old saying goes...

    Men always forget, never forgive
    Women never forget, always forgive

    It means men sometimes get angry but forget exactly why they were angry and then just hold onto the anger rather than the reason.
    Women let go of the anger but not the reason for it.

    For men, especially ones who like to talk about themselves, they usually dont talk to deeply, it is often things that in comparison to their deeper truths, are superficial.

    Your thought of "anytime I learn something personal about someone.." is irrational.
    I would tell you anything personal about myself that you'd want to know.

    But you should try to speak to this person. Apologize if you feel you need to.
    But what happens, happens. You can not live in the past and can not beat yourself up over something that isn't your fault.
     
  3. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I don't know if all men are irrational otherwise they wouldn't been seen as successors for the most part of human history.

    But I do agree with your quote. I find men are less forgiving and more picky than women.

    I am trying to let go, but I don't know how long it will take for me to recover. Yet another regret. This just keeps playing on me over and over, and over again. When will it stop!
     
  4. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Generalizing will get you nowhere.


    I would let him go, it sounds like he has some issues with being insecure.
     
  5. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Call him if you have his number and really, really want to. But honestly, after what happened it's probably best to just let him go. It sounds like he has his own issues he needs to sort out before you guys can have the type of relationship you want.
     
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Well, he doesn't sound like the greatest person if he's always turning the conversations back to himself. Maybe you should consider just letting him go.
     
  7. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I have considered it many times, but he's the only one I had someone in pretty close common with ever. I tried contacting him again a few days ago and he did respond somewhat then just completely ignored anything I said. I wasn't sure if he was thinking or rejecting me. It's hard to let go when you don't have anyone else in this world.
     
  8. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Maybe he wants to appear to be impartial. He wants you to trust him. Maybe he thinks you wouldn't really be interested in him if you really knew him. Maybe he's afraid of his own emotions. It's just an online thing. Maybe he doesn't think online things should be serious. I think you're being too hasty to judge him. Also, if he says he's an introvert and he really is, it would help if you knew that what meant. I don't think introverts are good with others, online or off. It's hard for them to read others. Sorry I can't help more, but umm, I tried.
     
  9. yous

    yous Well-Known Member


    No you helped well. Everyone did in this and other threads I posted to help me understand better. I finally learned it was never about me that was the problem, though I can't help but feel awful in my life....I actually flipped the situation around. Made it so it wasn't a demanding/threatening situation between us and I believed it worked. Yes I do believe what you say is absolutely correct there. He has issues. Regardless of online or in person, he has issues with himself that made it hard on any relationships he's had. I think I failed to see that other people go through things that have to deal with timing and the situation in their life. I did not know relationships had to work like everything else (I know I'm naive) where it has to strike just right. I thought if I could just get to know one person in this huge planet, then it would be simple to 'make a friend'. I did not know it had to take so much effort as anything we do to have it work and keep it going.

    Can someone who has friends tell me, how do you keep a relationship going in the busy, hectic, sometimes painful lives you lead? Friends come and go so easily like sand through my fingers, how do you maintain them so they stay???
     
  10. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I can't answer your second question, as I have little to no friends myself, however I can relate to trying to have a decent conversation with someone (usually a guy) who doesn't stop talking about himself. It drives me insane how self-absorbed people can be to the point that they don't even bother to ask the questions you ask them in return, even out of politeness.

    Personally to me, this guy sounds like he's not worth the effort. You've tried to keep a conversation going and let him talk on and on about himself, and he's been nothing but over-reactive and selfish. If he doesn't come to you and apologise or try to make things better, I think it's best just to leave things be. You shouldn't have to do all the running.
     
  11. yous

    yous Well-Known Member


    I know even out of politeness. Can you even believe the inhumane of the person??? It's not like I'm asking for the person's soul or anything. But by geez, just show common etiquette!

    Thanks for the advice. It's hard for me to pick up myself and start over to trust people anymore. Meeting/learning new people is just taking a toil out of me. They are all the same. Selfish, flakes, fakers, self-absorbed. Can't believe people love themselves that much!!!
     
  12. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Don't try and force yourself to trust people. In my opinion trust should be earnt before it is given, and if a person doesn't earn it, then they sure as hell don't deserve it. I think most people trust too easily and end up getting hurt, whereas it would be a much better idea to make the people in your life prove that they deserve that trust in the first place. Meeting new people and making friends can be very difficult, just try not to over-do it. There's no reason to rush things, maybe you just need to take some time for yourself and relax before thinking about meeting new people and working towards friendships or relationships. It might do you some good. :]
     
  13. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I had to learn this the hard way. I want to trust people and thereby trust too easily. You are right to say they don't deserve it for sure!! Yeah I'm going to distant myself now from trying to meet new people and trying to turn them into friends, but argh! So stupid. Stupid people! I can't believe we live in a world where there is that much negative. We only live for so long and we can't just love each other, we have to make it difficult for each other. I don't get it!