Guys Getting Close to Get in Your Pants...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by alyssaswoon, Nov 3, 2012.

  1. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    Over the last few (6) years or so I've been having issues with keeping guy friends. I can almost always figure out the reason, and it's sad. Lately the only guys that have attempted or became my friend has done so purely to get close to me in hopes I'll have sex with them. As soon as I say no or something along those lines and go back to my home, I won't hear from this "friend" anymore.
    It's been happening a lot lately with almost every guy I meet, and it really hurts. I spend time getting to know these people and they seem legitimately interested in me too, until they find out I have no plan to have sex with them. I don't know if I'm putting off a vibe or something, but it's pretty obvious that I'm in a relationship with someone, I'm engaged to him, ring on my finger and everything.
    It just really hurts to know that some people will pretend to get to know you just to try to get in your pants. Then, if you don't have sex with them you've lost someone you thought was really your friend. I feel used and I'm a lot more hesitant with letting people get to know me these days, because I'm afraid they have a hidden agenda and I'll get hurt again.
  2. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    As much as people argue about it, there is a good chunk of truth on how hard it is to just be friends with the opposite sex (this of course is in relation to heterosexual people. I know those of a homosexual orientation have the same issues but I'm not going for the over PC wording. Adjust advice as needed).

    Initial reasons on why you want to get to know someone better is because you find something about them attractive. And everything you look for in a partner for a relationship is also found in friends. Shared interests, good conversation, loyalty and support. So when they are of the desired sex, you also think about physical relations.

    That said, as much as I think about sex, I would not use friendship as a tool to get it. If sex is all someone wants, it should be made obvious early on. However, if the person is looking for an actual relationship that could include sex than becoming friends first may be an option. But then both share the reprecussions of what happens if one rejects the other. Hopefully they can remain friends though in all likelihood, that doesn't often happen.

    All that said, none really applies to you. I'm sorry that the guys you are meeting are clearly assholes who should understand your prior commitment to a partner and are really awful people you shouldn't want around anyways. Anyone that still makes advances to someone that is clearly taken is not a good person to have as a friend. It would be different if you were telling them how unhappy you are and how you are unsure if the person your with is the right one, but you sound as if you said none of that.

    Then again, what do I know? I've never had a relationship. Just watched as others do stupid shit for no reason.
  3. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot for your advice, it's always nice to get an outside opinion.
    Usually whenever one of my male friends stops talking to me after I deny him sex I feel worthless, tossed aside. But I never thought of it as these guys are scumbags I'm better off not being friends with at all. I always place the blame on myself, but you're (^) right, I'm better off not having friends like that.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Sounds like every guy I've ever know ever, at least the ones who pretended to care about me. The only reason a guy ever said he loved me, is because he wanted to sleep with me. I'm more traditional in the sense that I don't want to just sleep with people, I want to be in a serious relationship before I do anything like that. Honestly, people like this are toxic and you are better off without them in your life. You deserve to be treated a lot better than that.
  5. 3.141592654

    3.141592654 Well-Known Member

    If I had a friend-who-is-a-girl and tried unsuccessfully to make her my girlfriend, I'd feel too embarrassed/rejected/awkward to face her again. I mean, I obviously do not know if that's what going on here, or if they are just douches.

    I'd suggest telling them that you do like them and still wanna hang out with them, just not in that way. Then, if they do not wanna see you again, it's their loss.
  6. thekokapelli

    thekokapelli New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I feel that way sometimes too. But try not to let it stop you from having fun with and meeting cool guys who respect you as a person and see you as a friend, and it would be a shame if feeling like that made you miss out on friendships, just as the same as getting hurt by guys in relationships hopefully doesn't prevent you from having a good romantic relationship with a good guy. I've had guys proposition me who I thought wanted to be my friend, but I also have guys that I watch bad movies with and argue about Star Wars and Bioshock with.