Guys here with sex abuse in their past?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by jwmcd2, Jul 20, 2014.

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  1. jwmcd2

    jwmcd2 New Member

    Hey ladies and gents, I was wondering if there were any guys in here that have dealt with sex abuse like me. I figure there are, and I would appreciate talking to females that went through it too (I hope I don't sound sexist). I know that men tend to have to deal with it in a different way and there are pressures to be more... dominant in going out and meeting new people. That part scares me.

    Quick FYI on me, I was referred here by someone on www.malesurvivor.org and I've gone into my story really in-depth there in the past. To keep it short, I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused around 4 years of age by a female preschool teacher, then there was a young adult guy at church that had me like 5~10, and a male cousin roughly 8~12. It's eaten into my life. I'm in therapy and attempting to pursue healthy relationships now.

    Anyway, I'd appreciate some help or getting to know some other guys that have maybe dealt with this themselves.
     
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Hi Jwmcd2 I tried that forum but it has to be one of the most amateur I have come across as registration is impossible as typing in the encrypta code it rejects it so as far as I am concerned you are better off here on SF

    My situation is rather the opposite to yours. Aged eleven at a childrens home I was abused by a male member of staff and aged fourteen in high school I was seduced by a female teacher. Obviously legally the same but in the case of a female teacher and male pupil as opposed to a male teacher female pupil I did not see my case as serious being that I was a lad and I did not concieve it as rape; in fact I felt special she chose me. With hindsight though it was emotionally damaging for me and as well as what happened in the childrens home and was probably the basis of my self harming

    Anyway Jwmcd2 I do think my situation is different to yours in that yours seems more traumatic than mine but who's to say?


    tc Jwmcd2

    :freehug:
     
  3. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Sexual domination be an ugly, ugly thing, & ugly to think. I have known it. Fortunately, it didn't happen inside my family, who are not like that. It was more in the context of streets & corrections places. Also fortunately, it was a long time ago, and time passed has caused the emotional impact to diminish. Since I no longer really fear repeats, I can accept it as history with some equanimity.

    To be honest, I don't know much regarding professional opinion on the subject, or what distinguishes "survivors" from "non-survivors," whether related therapies are worthwhile, or how they work. But if it is causing you distress, I hope you will ask a professional counselor who can help you more than I could, if you haven't yet done so. If cost objections intervene, insurance may cover, or there may be state-funded programs that help with access to consultation. The survivors' org you linked to may know about these.

    :tranquillity: Meanwhile, you always deserve the best, in life.

    ` ` ` `:butterfly4:
     
  4. Deletemeplz

    Deletemeplz Member

    Indeed a traumatic experience, I have a similar situation which I have yet to disclose to anyone and finding it quite hard to since it happen to me around the ages of 6-13. Guess this is my first attempt at letting it out, only because of this thread. I may post more about it in the near future. As for now, my best wishes to you perusing healthier relationships.
     
  5. jwmcd2

    jwmcd2 New Member

  6. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    More than likely, the above website dropped their domain or something, because that likes to something other than a site for male survivors. Please refer to the link on the first posting (.org).

    One of the reason I'm here is, I'm still trying to come to terms with my sexual abuse. I supposed its guilt that eats me up.
     
  7. brandons

    brandons Member

    i beleive my computer is tapped by a family member so i cant tell you via this laptop what happend to me but ive been abused sexualy on more than one occasion by more than one person and that has helped f***** me up so bad besides my family being of good help to f*** me up even more over the years i know how you feel and would like to talk more if u would but i wont do it via my laptop so yaa
     
  8. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    If you feel you are being monitored by a family member.....then...shhhh!!!

    We got the point.

    Your abuse does not have to define you, rather is make guys such as us better understand our abuse opens our eyes to things we may have not otherwise noticed - had that abuse not occurred .


    Some Word of advice: If you are using your family's computer / public computer - ALWAYS use "Private Browsing"! FF and Chrome will also have "Incognito Mode", and IE also has a version of "In Private Browsing" but I would avoid IE IMHO!

    Seriously, please try to get anonymous help, there are organizations out there that will protect your identity; especially when them abuser may/could be someone you are currently living with, or still has control over you in some way.

    Best wishes and you CAN work through this and please be safe **hugs**
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2015
  9. brandons

    brandons Member

    thank you and do you happen to no the names of some of the organisations that let you remain annonmys?
     
  10. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    ^I'm sorry, I won't leave you hanging here brandons, I will get back to you with advice when I'm in better shape, I'm not doing well right now, I'm sorry friend, please stay safe.
     
  11. brandons

    brandons Member

    dont worry about it this site only made me worse the other day too but then sometimes like tonight it kinda helps out a bit if nothing it gives me someone i can talk to that i cant even beleive sometimes how much you guys are going through what im going through aswell and you all feel the same way i think we just need to try to support each other with kind helping ways that other people on here dealing with situations in ways that we might not have though of and can help us get through they stay strong find something to live for even if it still doesnt fully take the pain away
     
  12. I have 3 family members affected by this. In the past 12 years it has happened to my mom, my sister, and 2 years ago to my 8 year old niece. I have carried around a lot of anger for so long about the subject. I have never felt lustful enough to even think about anything of the sort so I cannot understand what drives people to do what they do. I do have my own issues though and all I have been able to figure is that the people that do those things are sick too.

    Like I said it has been many years where I kept anger about this just under the surface and would flip out when I even hear another story about it, but recently after talking to the family members and realizing they are moving on with their lives however they have needed to I finally decided to try to forgive the people that did it. It has not been easy but the alternative is to live with something that is eating me up inside. I don't know if that helps in any way but I do know what it's like to have things that aren't easy to talk about. I am on this forum as well after all.
     
  13. time.to.be.free

    time.to.be.free New Member

    Hi, I have been raped several times by the same man! He was a stranger but he always seemed to find me, I didn't know him but he could always find me! It first happened 3 years ago(age 13) and it happened over a course of a year. It really has f*cked me up. I have only told 3 of my closest friends and it just eats me up inside! I have nightmares of his touch of the words he used to whisper in my ear! I thought that time would heal my pain but at last I see it only increases it. I have so many issues and its just getting to much for me to deal with. Maybe I would be better of just ending it all, then I would be free from this life of torment and pain!
     
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