Ha, just got kicked off a bipolar support group for mentioning suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Talia862, Aug 20, 2011.

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  1. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    As I mentioned in another thread, I was feeling suicidal and struggling to fight those feelings. I thought that maybe I could find support online. So I joined a bipolar support group. And posted about feeling suicidal. Without being graphic at all, I mentioned that I had attempted suicide and that I was struggling. But I tried to keep it at least a little upbeat. I said "I have told my counselor I will fight these feelins and call a hotline if I feel like I'm about to do it. I intend to keep that promise" Well, despite all this, I got a message from the moderators that "my post could trigger other people" and that "We have to look to the safety of other members' and they locked the post.

    I am really upset about this. I was hurt (though I know I shouldn't take it personally) that somoene would assume I don't care abou t the other members. Good lord, if I can't even mention suicide on a BIPOLAR support forum, where can I mention it? (I guess here) I wanted to talk to a few people about suiicdal feelings who actually understood what its like to be bipolar and everything that goes with it.

    Now I'm sitting here crying. I hate feeling this way.

    I could use some advice and support. Does anyone know of any bipolar forms that exist that might be a little more helpful to me? I would appreciate any suggestions.
  2. jkeller4000

    jkeller4000 Well-Known Member

    This is where all the great ideas come from! You try to use someone else product, then they refuse to allow you to use it so you must create your own!

    Maybe it is your purpose to create a bipolar support forums that has a section for suicidal thoughts,

    I know the game i play i got kicked from lots of multiplayer servers, until i decided to make my own and run it the way i wanted to, and i was surprised it was full the first couple weeks.

    If you need something, there are other people out there that need it also!

    so be creative! learn how to run a forum page, and well have some fun with it if you can,
  3. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    This may be the only forum online that you can talk about being suicidal, you can even cuss, screem, and yell, (lmfao)..

    I have been kicked off forums too, from stating how I got medication online, to being so ignorant, that I thought I could find a way to make my illness go away, they didn't appreciate that one bit. I'm sorry it made you cry..

    I actually know of a great forum. The one your on right now. There are people here with depression and bipolar both.

    Anytime, you need someone to talk to, we'll be right here.. (hugs)
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    There are a LOT of sites dealing with mental health that don't allow members to mention or discuss suicidal thoughts. I don't know of any sites dealing mainly with bipolar disorder, but if I happen to see any, I'll let you know.
  5. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    This is very sad to hear, I am so sorry.

    It's very risky for sites to do this...It can actually cause a suicide. :( If I, personally, was to run a forum, I'd get help for the person instead.

    Please know my PM is open if you want to talk about anything.

    Take care. <3
  6. lostinca

    lostinca Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry I can't believe that happened you were stating a feeling and reaching out. We have a chat feature here and everybody here is really honestly the best group of people that I have found online, so I am sure they will love for you to join in anytime.
    I can kinda relate I called a suicide hotline a few months ago and the guy (who was really nice and helpful) had to put me on hold 3 times in a short conversation, so I ended the call. I am sure it wasn't personal he was helpful but I left the call feeling a little put off.
  7. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

  8. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, Julia, that's the one I just got kicked off of. They let me know I wasn't to even mention the word "suicide" and since that's what I'm struggling with primarily (and they were kind of nasty about it) I decided to leave.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Talia, I'm sure if yiu give this forum a chance yiu will find all kinds ooof suppport..Theres both bipolsar peeps and suicidal peeps here. I'm sure you will find some =people who are both..Just give it a chance.. IN the mean time tell us a little about you,..
  10. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    :argh: :eeek: :brainfart: :giggle: :booboo: :mug: Sorry.
  11. Yeah, those censorship-happy forums can be a bummer. You invest time in being a participating member of a little community, and then they stop you from talking about important things on your mind. There was one site I was a member of, which I won't mention but will say that it does rhyme with "depressionforums", which ended up frustrating me to the point of abandoning it.
  12. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm in an awful lot of pain. I have Rhuemtoid arthritis and its really bad lately. It's killing my hands to type this. I normally have that software (see my other thread) but I cant get it to work, and I can't bring in the computer until Monday or Tuesday. If anyone can help me, Let me know- I think its some settings that are wrong, because it worked fine before the guy rebooted teh computer. I hate being in so much pain....

    I am bipolar, like I said. I have been very depressed lately about the pain, about the problems with my family- (they give me a really hard time. I spetn some timie with my mom today and it went well, but my dad is really brutal to me and my sister hates my guts. They say all kinds of mean, hurtful things and I try to aviod them, but that's hard because I have to depend on them for rides everywhere. I live alone, but I can't afford a car (I'm living on disability and its not that much m oney) so when I have to go shopping for food or to a doctor's office, (and it seems like i have to go all the time) I need my dad or sister to drive me, and I put up with their insults teh entire time. My dad tells me dalily how I am a burden on him and he wishes I were out of his life. He knows of my suicide attempts.....

    Overall, I am really depressed. I came VERY close to taking my own life three day s ago (I had the thing I was going to use to killl myself in my hands, and literally went through all the preparations only stopping before actually taking any action (Im being vague bc we can't talk about methods) but suffice to say I came really close. I still have suiicdal feelings. I promised my counselor I would call a hotline if it came to that, but the truth is, last time I called a hotline it wasn't very helpful. THe guy only letme talk for a few minutes. Maybe he didn't think I was serious. I was in the hospital for attempted suicide two months ago, when I took pills bu then called fo r help before I became affected by them. That was a fiasco. I called Posion control and asked if what I had taken would be fatal, they said it could be and I hung up. they called back to ask if I was the one who had taken it, and I hung up again. Then the police showed up....and a trip to the hospital and this awful characoal stuff to drink that made me throw up....sorry, tmi...its not a great experience to have....I really hope no one here has to go through it ever.

    I hope mentioning the pills insn't too much like mentioning a method, I needed to explain that I did call for help (sort of) in the actual middle of a suicide attempt,and I won't say any more details like the kind of pills.... I'm sorry if that is too graphic.....

    Anyway, I am feeling quite depressed. I still dont' have my facebook accoutn back and I lost most of my contacts from my gmail account. A hacker broke into my computer and took over all my email acounts. I had to cancel my paypal account because he tried to steal money out of it, and he got into my voice mail and was listening to my message online and deleting them before I could ge tthem. He contacted a bunch of my friends asking for money, claimng to be me He also stole all my money from my adsenhse account. He wrote to my 85 year old grandmother 7 times and got her so upset. My parents. of course, blamed me for this whole thing and gave me no end of a hard time. I had to close my gmail account and all my contacts were in there. I dont' know how to get in touch with half those people. Many of them were peopel who I wrote back and forth to online for years, but dont' actually know their last names. And I'm locked out of facebook too. I really miss my facebook account, I don't know if I'll ever get it back. Facebook has like no customers service- there is no number you can call or email address where you can write to them and explain what is going on. All You can do is fill out a form and its not letting me do that for some reason. So I still have this fb account up with my picture on it and all my info but its being controlled bysome scammer from Nigeria, and I don't know what to do.

    I'm really depressed. Suicide seems like such a good choice right now. I am fightign those feelings, but it seems like its time to give in. I have struggled with suicidal feelings and sucide attempts for years. Sometimes I thik I'm destined to commit suicide and its only a matter of time. So why wait? Get it over with. I'm sorry......I am really fighting, for my friends, not myself I don't want to hurt my friends. I only have a couple of good ones, but I really care about them....sad to say none of them live close to where I do. They are friends from college who I've known for a few years, but they don't live anywhere where I can get together wiht them. I really think I need to move, I need to be in a place where I can get around, but I don't know how to even find a place that I can afford that's in a good location. I can't walk very far anymore- I used to be able to walk to the mall and spend all day there- eat out, shop, read in the bookstore - its about two miles round trip so its a bit of a walk- and now I can't do that anymore. I can barely get my mail, without agonizing pain and fatigue, much less walk two miles. And the sad thing is, I will probably NEVER be able todo that again. RA never gets better, it only gets worse. It's progressive, and its chronic. Medication can slow the progress but can't stop it, and I'm still pretty young- no doubt I'll be in a wheelchair for a good part of my life......so the future looks pretty bleak right now....

    Well, I've written a lot. I'm sorry if I'm rambling on. You are being so nice to me, and I thank you all. I feel a little less alone. I wish it were all over, that I was at peace. But I am hanging in there.
  13. nobody_

    nobody_ New Member

    i think you are doing an amazing job of talking about what's going on, especially considering it literally hurts to type every word, and you were punished and excluded in another place just for trying to talk about things. wow, you rock for keeping on looking till you found a place to talk.

    i can relate to a lot of stuff you mentioned... when i was 18 i told a girlfriend over the phone that i had taken some pills, she called poison control then they made me go in. drank the charcoal, ugh, never going to go that route again. like you i find i get right up to the brink of executing my plan lately and then i don't, but i just don't know how i'll keep finding the will power to not go through with it. anyway, just meant to say you are not alone and it really, really sucks about everything you're having to go through. i can't imagine if i was forced to have contact with my family, i'd be even more of a mess than i am now. you should never ever have to hear someone telling you that you are a burden. imo that is verbal abuse especially when saying it to a vulnerable person that has nowhere else to turn.

    hang in there. sorry it's so hard.
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