Had a covertly emotional day

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Inanimate, Jun 5, 2016.

  1. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I had a lot more to drink at a wedding reception than I initially intended to. I snacked in-between drinks at least, and I drank a 500mL water bottle before I left and had another when I came home, so I've about sobered up now. Physically, I'm alright. Mentally, what the fuck?

    Firstly, my parents and I only made it to the reception. We missed the marriage ceremony for my sister's friend's wedding because we left late (parents' fault) and also got lost along the way. That bummed me out. What made it worse was my mom's whining about missing the wedding especially because people were around to potentially eavesdrop. I wanted to punch her -- like a sudden, stiff jab. I was aloof and brooding almost the entire time I was there. Eventually, I drank enough to muster up the courage to dance -- more like move my hips and arms aimlessly. However, I just wasn't feeling it. In fact, I felt worse. I was obsessing over self-harming and could've moved off to the side somewhere and bawled if I wanted to, but I kept telling myself "Come on... Pull through... This doesn't need to happen." There really was no particular reason as to why I felt like that. A few minor misfortunes and annoyances just expedited my usual depressive mood at a rather bad time. What's unfortunate is that I was doing so well before I left for the wedding. I was discussing my potential future with my counselor a few hours prior, and I realized that I really do want to do something professionally with my weight training and such -- something around the lines of personal training, even though I'm a total introvert, but I don't want to brush it off since social skills can be worked on. This is quite a big deal for me. I'm actually aspiring to make something out of my life. I can have a particular field in mind when I go back to college someday. I'm passionate about exercising and eating well, and the disciplining aspect of it all, and I'm obsessed with them. That has become obvious to me. I'm excited, but also scared, but more so excited.

    I feel a lot better now after venting, but this day needs to be the fuck over. I don't regret going to the wedding since I pleased the bride and groom by going, but that night was really pathetic.