Had a hint of posativity

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by spidy, Jan 7, 2010.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Was going to post tonght with great feelings and joy but got blown to the sht house again.Felt really good all day just took one person to fck it all up.Now i feel like a worthless piece of sht again.Come to the point of not worth being happy as the let down hurts more than if ya already miserable.My self esteem is shot to sht again.Maybe i do take thngs hard but when im told im confusing my kids by seeing them and spending heaps of time with them it does sort of hurt.What when separation happens im not meant to be there or whayt fck me or am i fcking her status of being a poor single mum up.I m over this sht and im telling shrink tomorrow to give me some good pills cause i want to fck off out of this living hell
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Who told you that you're confusing your kids by spending time with them?
    Whoever it is, PLEASE don't listen to them. The fact that you spend time with your kids is a good thing. Nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. Your kids need you in their lives, and nobody can ever take your place.
    Please don't hurt yourself!! I know it hurts when you're told something like that, but try to remember that it's not true.
     
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    It was the ex.by staying there few nghts a week an then ging apparently is fcking them up.Ive noticed my oldest daughter who is only 9 is starting to show signs of depression which i mentioned to the ex but it comes down to i m the one confusing them.So if thts rght i mght as well not be here
     
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Yes I would like to know who is saying these things to you and as important why are you listening to them?
    We are here to support you and offer you different views so please do tell us more.
    Lot of people care here, including me so please keep writing to us and get as much out as you can, it truly helps. Additionally we can share with you our experience and together we can all get through these damn difficult times that stand in the way of our happiness.
    Hope to here back, really!
    Bambi
     
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't go through with your plan. :hug: It sounds like your ex is only trying to hurt you, and you don't deserve that. You're not a bad person; you're only trying to do what's best for you and your kids.

    Have you talked to your kids at all, explained why it is you come and go so often? They just might need some reassurance from you that you'll be okay and that you'll always come back to them. And maybe you can ask your oldest if she's okay or if there's anything she wants to talk about? Maybe she'll talk to you about how she feels.
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    i noticed her feelings today and trying to be a good parent i discussed this with my ex but it came down to its always my fault.I can see what is happening to my oldest and when she hits teenage christ knows what will happen but the ex thnks its all good im the prob.My oldest is dealing with having to grow up to fast cause tht is what her is pushing and her mum dont see tht i do.But im just a stupid mental fck wit and the father and i know sht apart from i grew up the same but behold my daughter cant be the same as her father.Look im trying to be the best dad i can but when im put down day after day by the ex and her fcking mother plus trying to beat this depression and have every fckwit on ya back demanding money and tld im a fcked up father cause of my illness i really am giving the fght up:sad::sad:
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You ARE a good father though. That's obvious to me just by the things you've written here.
    Talking to your ex obviously won't work, because she's made it clear she won't listen to you (and that's her fault, not yours). But what you have to say is important! Can you talk to your daughter alone, without your ex interfering?

    :hug: I'm so sorry for what she's doing to you. I know it feels like you've been pushed down so far that you can't get up again. After a while, it's like you get sick of fighting, like you don't think you can keep going. But you can! You're a good father; your kids need you, and you need them.
     
  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I am really worried about my daughter at this point as i have seen young ppl here all i want her to know is i understand her hurt and i did have talk to her today i also need her mum to understand tht althgh she only 9 she is ver independant and is showing signs of thngs getting to her and i know from experience it does start from young age.When my mum died could never talk to my dad as i was just looser too him and the only person i could talk to abused me then made me feel like a looser around others anyway.Im scared for my daughter and yet im scared for myself as ive had enough but if i go thrgh with the plan i have in place im scared later on she will follow my shoes.Is why im fghting hard and started posting again as i need venting and advice i bght life into this world and i want them to make the best off it and i dont care if they fail at some things i just want to be there for all my kids and others if i can just get better myself.As i said was feeling good for couple of days just had someone give me ther spare room after they found out i wasnt this nazi suicidle idiot which goes awol anytime.See rumors great have brillant rep cause im suicidle everyone is afraid of me tht sux im the kindest person and do anythng for anyone and i take all the crap too.Never ever had a boost of confidence from anyone even my own dad put me down yet i dealt with tht for a long time then this fcking witch and her family came along:poo:
     
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    So do you have a place to stay now? :hug: That's awesome!!!

    You're right, it can start from a really young age. I have a cousin who was depressed at the age of seven. So it can happen to anyone at any age. The sad thing is, you can only help your daughter; you can't make her mum understand if she refuses to. But you can be there to support your daughter and talk to her whenever she needs it.

    I'm really sorry you were abused and made to feel so bad. :hug: You're not a loser. You're so much stronger than you realize, because you've fought so hard, and you're still fighting to get through this. You can beat this; you're no suicidal idiot. You're a kind, compassionate person who's just having a really hard time right now.
     
  11. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    m really sorry you were abused and made to feel so bad. You're not a loser. You're so much stronger than you realize, because you've fought so hard, and you're still fighting to get through this. You can beat this; you're no suicidal idiot. You're a kind, compassionate person who's just having a really hard time right now.
    __________________something ive never really discussed which has been in bck of my mind for most of my life 16/17 i thnk i was went on for years i was to weak to say anything or do anything.Its come up in my thghts again since this depression crap and playing big part with my fcked up thghts as i look bck i was just a gullable weak as sht moron should have stood up for myself but no im just the looser and still am
     
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    If you ever want to talk about what happened or the abuse, I'm here. You don't have to, just wanted you to know you could, and I'll listen. It sounds like something you've been holding back for a long time.

    You weren't weak. You were probably scared, maybe didn't know what to do or if you could trust anyone to tell them. It's not your fault.
     
  13. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Gav any court in any country is going to say the same thing. A child deserve both a mom and a dad. Even as bad as my ex was and still is, the courts said he was allowed time with the kids. So we have a visitation schedule. You are allowed by law to see those kids. Even if you and the ex were at the point of physically trying to kill one another. Arrangements can be made for visitation. And there isnt a damn thing she can do about it. And you trying to see them now will go far with the courts if it ever gets to that point.

    Your kids are very confused right now. Any kids that suddenly have their family torn apart are. And no matter how much talking is done, they only see their reality of the situation. So it is soooo important for you to have contact with them.

    In Canada there is a program called For the Sake of the Children. It is mandatory that both parents attend when a seperation or divorce happens. And it is exactly that. All about how to make things easy for the kids. And your ex is doing everything exactly opposite of what should be happening for those kids right now.

    You need to be detemined here hun. You need to think of those kids. You need to tell your ex that you WILL see them. Set up a schedule and dont take any nos for answers. And that is your time with them. Not hers so she can go out where ever she likes. But she will not interrupt that time.

    Then you need to talk to the kids. Explain in your own words exactly what is happening and why you arent there full time anymore. Ask them things that you think might be bothering them. Get them to open up. If you can establish that line of communication now, when they get to their teens and need to talk they know they can.

    As for your daughter, look into some free counselling. I know it seems weird for such a young child but you will see that it will help. Right now, she probably doesnt feel like she can talk to either of you. She sees that you are both angry and hurting and she doesnt want to add to that. Look into even a support group that you can both attend. There are many out there for children from broken homes.

    I know you can do these things. And if you throw yourself into this, it might help you to find a little strength for yourself too. The kids will see you trying and see you looking out and after them. I know you dont have a permanent place yet and money is a factor. But trust me, there are a lot more free resources out there than you know about. I found so many of them when I needed to . You can too.

    Yeah I know another long winded post. But I relate to many of the things you are battling. Please pm anytime if you want more info about things with the kids. I've got 4 and have been doing this for quite a few years now and battling the inner demons too. It can be done Gav. Maybe not for us but atleast at the end of the day we know we have done what we can for our babies.
     
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