today. first time we actually sat down and had a mature discussion instead of me crying and her avoiding the conversation. she's still divorcing me but she said that she really didn't want me to die,and that she didn't hate me. she said it was a way to protect herself from feeling like she had to stay with me. first time she showed me any feelings, it doesn't make it any better still not having her but knowing she thinks my life is worth saving maybe i do to. i'm not saying that i'm going to be ok, it just gives me some little bit of life.