Had a nightmare

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Walter Kovacs, Apr 10, 2016.

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  1. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    This morning, I woke up from a nightmare. In my dream, I was all alone, no support, no friends and no family. For 25 years I did absolutely nothing and my life was pathetic and a waste. In the end, I had zero confidence as I watched others go about their lives smoothly minding their own business as usual and having all love, warmth and comfort from close people. And, here I was, a nobody, an invisible man. Even after my suicide, there was no funeral, and nobody bothered or cared to look down at my dead body. They all passed by as If I had never existed.
    I thought about this for a while, and realized how this nightmare is pretty much my life thus far.
    I need help, I have been feeling horrible inside for years. I haven't had a day where I was happy.
     
    Fading_Awayy and Red Nightmare like this.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Walter, that dream does sound disconcerting and very sad. Do you suffer from depression, that could be what caused it. I've kind of felt the same way, about not being happy and have often wondered what would make me happy. Basically my answer was "inner peace" freedom from the constant thoughts of not being good enough, low self esteem.
    What would make you happy. I know it's attainable, but hard to find(at least for me) Have you thought about seeing a therapist and maybe working through your thoughts and feelings, a neutral party can give us insight and maybe some direction. I hope you feel better and please continue to post here. Take care my friend.
    Brian
     
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  3. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    I had that same nightmare once-my mother and my sister were standing by my graveside discussing a movie they'd seen the night before. They thought the movie was terrible-they wanted their money back. They never even looked down at my grave. The best day of my life was when I decided that I stilled loved me-no matter what they thought, and I was still worthy of love and compassion, no matter how many times they refused to give it to me. Don't think about anyone else-just save yourself. You're worth fighting for-don't be like the people who have turned their backs on you for years. Be there for yourself-you'll be a better person than they are. You know you deserve it. I hope your day is a good one. LT
     
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  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you had a nightmare. Have you been able to shake it off somewhat? It sounds like a really tough dream to have had.

    I think you would benefit from getting some help. Could you talk to your doctor about it? You deserve to let yourself be helped to feel better about yourself.

    You need to find your own happiness; what would you like to do with your life? What would give you happiness? You need to work towards that, and no that isn't easily done. It could be something you could work with a counselor or coach to get towards.

    Please be kind to yourself! You do deserve that!
     
    Walter Kovacs likes this.
  5. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    Thanks, and I have been trying for the past couple of months to be happy, but my life isn't balanced. I understand things and do have interest, but I don't have the energy to pursue them, due to my depression. It's been getting severe. Throughout high school, I have had bad experiences marked by my inability to form relationships. I want atleast somebody to care. Someone who not only appreciates my company, but wants it as well. My parents are gone. No friends, never was. I want to change my life around. Not saying it is easy, but I want to keep trying for the rest of my life rather than wallow in self pity. Do you have any suggestions as to finding lifelong and caring friends.
     
  6. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    Perhaps I do need to talk to a doctor. I always had trouble finding good people. I have been isolated and cold, surrounded by apathy. Always had to cry, just to vent out exasperation. And, thanks, I will try to find something.
     
  7. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    Thank you, there are many who choose to be apathetic. But, I want to end my loneliness by surrounding myself with good, likeminded and accepting people. Cannot stand being in same place suffering same situation everyday.
     
  8. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Walter, I understand not having the energy to pursue interests, maybe seeing a doctor and getting an antidepressant would benefit you, sometimes it takes several tries to get the correct one that works for you. Finding people with similar interests/hobbies should be quite easy with Internet access, there are many groups that meet for like minded activities, there you could establish friendships based on similar interests. In my case, it was panic attacks that stopped me, I would be afraid to go to many things as I was afraid of having a panic attack. These mental issues can effect every area of our life.
    It sounds like if your depression was controlled it would make quite a difference in interacting with others. I know it's tough, but it can be done. I'm sorry your parents are gone and you have no family, I'm in a similar situation and it does make you feel very alone, this site has helped me so much and the people here are the most caring I've met anywhere. I wish you all the best in getting better and I'm sure you can do it. Please continue to post here and we will support you any way we can, you're no longer alone, we're here for you.
    Brian
     
  9. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Walter-on the topic of relationships, I found that when I became more open and accepting of my own vulnerabilities, it carried over to my personal relationships. I started by just being present in relationships without expecting anyone to be a certain way. I started out very small-building trust in small ways, over time I gradually became much better at being intimate with people and letting them in. I had to be patient because it was a very gradual process. I hope this helps in someway with your situation.
     
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