Just want to get this off my chest because I feel totally alone. My blood-sugar was running high all night (I have type 1 diabetes), and I thought I had it covered when I gave myself more insulin before I went to bed. I'm also sick, but it's nothing more than fatigue, sneezing, runny nose, and nasal congestion. Nothing more, pssh... Anyway, I didn't want to wait 2 hours for the insulin to completely take effect because fuck that, so I went to sleep right away. However, I woke up a few hours later, around 6 AM, and I was just contemplative and feeling especially suicidal. It took me a while, but I realized that I probably woke up because my blood-sugar was still high--it fucking was. That in particular made me feel even more helpless. I took MORE insulin, lied down and brooded for about an hour, and I checked my blood-sugar again, and it was fine. Yay. Afterwards, I tried going back to sleep, but by then, my suicidal thoughts and hopeless pondering had already consumed me. I can only idle away so much time before I lose myself to suicidal ideation. Nothing happened. I wasn't feeling impulsive--just ill-fated. I contacted my counselor, whom I was supposed to have an appointment with today, and explained to her why can't make the appointment, and she was understanding. I wasn't going anywhere if my body and mind was simultaneously making me feel dreadful. It's odd to say, but those two hours that I spent contemplating suicide felt ephemeral. In my case, I feel like depression doesn't necessarily perpetuate my life--it hastens it.