Had a shitty night

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Inanimate, Apr 16, 2016.

  1. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Just want to get this off my chest because I feel totally alone.

    My blood-sugar was running high all night (I have type 1 diabetes), and I thought I had it covered when I gave myself more insulin before I went to bed. I'm also sick, but it's nothing more than fatigue, sneezing, runny nose, and nasal congestion. Nothing more, pssh... Anyway, I didn't want to wait 2 hours for the insulin to completely take effect because fuck that, so I went to sleep right away. However, I woke up a few hours later, around 6 AM, and I was just contemplative and feeling especially suicidal. It took me a while, but I realized that I probably woke up because my blood-sugar was still high--it fucking was. That in particular made me feel even more helpless. I took MORE insulin, lied down and brooded for about an hour, and I checked my blood-sugar again, and it was fine. Yay. Afterwards, I tried going back to sleep, but by then, my suicidal thoughts and hopeless pondering had already consumed me. I can only idle away so much time before I lose myself to suicidal ideation. Nothing happened. I wasn't feeling impulsive--just ill-fated. I contacted my counselor, whom I was supposed to have an appointment with today, and explained to her why can't make the appointment, and she was understanding. I wasn't going anywhere if my body and mind was simultaneously making me feel dreadful.

    It's odd to say, but those two hours that I spent contemplating suicide felt ephemeral. In my case, I feel like depression doesn't necessarily perpetuate my life--it hastens it.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Glad to hear your blood sugar got back under control. But it does make for a sleepless night.
    Take care :)
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  3. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Blood-sugar was running high again, so I gave myself the proper amount of insulin--now it's low.

    I'm out.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Inanimate. I have diabetes type 2, I know absolutely nothing about type 1 but I'm glad you got through this crappy night. It might have been a bad night and disheartening but the main thing is you got through it :) *hugs* to you and I hope you get a better nights sleep tonight. Have you any plans for the day?
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  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear you had a bad night.

    I can imagine it's very stressful to have diabetes when your blood sugar levels are acting up, especially at night. Sleep is important for both the physical and the mental welbeing. I hope you get some sleep soon though.

    Does it happen to you a lot? If it is, perhaps you could talk to a doctor about that? Quality of life is very, very important with chronic illnesses.

    Take care of yourself hun *hugs*
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  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Have you or your family looked into having a dog that can alert you when your sugar is too high or low for situations like this?
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  7. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    No problem! Yeah, at least I got through the night without doing anything drastic. Thanks *hug* :). I watched The Jungle Book with my family, and I really enjoyed it. We missed the first showing and the showing right after that because tickets were sold out for BOTH showings before the first one even started, so we ate out first. The wait was well worth it though. I also went to the gym with my dad when we got home in the evening, finally, and I've been pushing myself harder lately, so that felt rejuvenating.
    Overall, it's very frustrating and depressing. No worries; I slept decently.

    It has happened often, especially during the onset of my diagnosis, but I've managed my blood-sugar well since then. I've been seeing an endocrinologist every 3 months, but this year around it'll be every 4 months. I haven't been relying on her as much as I should, and I need to, but at least I've maintained a healthy A1C all this time. Even so, I believe I'm struggling with blood-sugar management now because I'm sick. Every time that I've gotten sick, I've needed more insulin than usual.

    I'll do my best. *hug*
    We have not. I didn't even know that was a thing :eek:. Sounds very useful. Though, I don't feel like I can be responsible for any pet or sentient being.
  8. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    It's good to see you are doing better. I noticed something when reading your post. In your opinion does high blood sugar correlate with suicidal ideation?
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  9. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Thank you. In my case at least, I don't think so. I can see how that question would arise, and I had contemplated that too, but I doubt it. That's up for speculation though. I mean, I'm not very familiar with symptoms of high blood-sugar, even though I've had type 1 diabetes for over 2 years now, but unless I'm frequently urinating, I hardly notice having high blood-sugar until I check. Last Saturday night was my only memorable case in which I knowingly had high blood-sugar accompanied by enhanced suicidality, but I don't think the latter was a direct result of the former; emphasis on "direct" because I think it at least indirectly got me to that point.
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Yep dogs are really good with knowing if our sugar levels are off kilter....its cool and they're actually good therapy animals too. Have some faith in yourself about taking care of one lol.
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