Had Bout of Paranoia Tonight

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Prinnctopher's Belt, Dec 20, 2009.

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  1. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I had a prolonged bout of extreme paranoia around 2-3am for some reason. It's late and I'm tired as anyone would be at this hour, but for some reason for a long time, I was scared to death in my own room and I haven't felt that afraid in a long time.

    When you get tired, it's common to have some level of hallucinations. I was having visual hallucinations and seeing a dark figure out of the corner of my eye, right where my door is, and it scared the hell out of me. At the same time, I was watching a video on YouTube of a person suffering before she was tragically killed by falling from a building. I was so unnerved. I had seen disturbing images like that before and had become desensitized to disturbia somewhat, but because I was so tired and it was late, and with the hallucinations (both auditory and visual tonight), I was very very afraid. I was hearing people and footsteps and all sorts of noises outside of my window which weren't really there, or I was frightened by sounds that are normal (dogs barking and people in the apartment above me partying, making noise, etc) because I thought they were something else. At the same time, my room door was opened, so I just closed it shut out of fear someone (who?) would come in and be that dark figure I thought I kept seeing.

    It was really scary, and got so bad to the point where I had to turn on my light and actually believed that I was in a dream because of the way everything seemed so scary. So I just put on a calming record and looked at the Weather Channel, and now I'm feeling better. It also helps that my cat is here with me sleeping on the bed. If not, I would have probably cried in the corner in a fetal position for feeling afraid of the hallucinations.

    I've been this paranoid only once before that I can recall. I was living in Hartford, Connecticut years ago, and in a much smaller apartment all alone, no pets. And it was late, and dark, and I saw a giant house centipede just sitting on the wall, and it looked massive. I had a panic attack and paranoia at the same time. I didn't even have the guts to just squash it because I was hallucinating that it was larger than it actually was. It was so bad, that I picked up the phone to call the police to come and kill the bug, but remembered that where I lived had 24 hour emergency security guards, so I called the dispatcher to one of them instead. Then, I called my mother of course. That was again around 3 in the morning. The centipede probably wasn't really any larger than a normal centipede, but my eyes saw it as a large, venomous, snake-like creature crawling up my walls (and this is how I actually described it to the security guard when he asked what was the problem, I told him there was a little snake-like thing crawling up my wall).

    Anyway, I was so frightened that I flattened myself against the opposite wall in the room and started hyperventilating all because of paranoia over a hallucination that a bug was larger than it really was.

    So, tonight I had realized just how lonely I really am that I didn't have anyone to call and come around when I'm feeling scared and all alone. That's all.
     
  2. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Shit sucks, man. I've had nights like that before. At first I try to turn on more lights or play some music, but that rarely (if ever) helps. Best you can do sometimes is just wait it out and try not to do anything drastic in the meantime.

    Really though, it's the loneliness that gets to me more than anything. My paranoid episodes never occur when there's someone else awake in the house, because when I start to feel it coming on, I can go downstairs and there will be someone just sitting there watching TV and everything's cool. But when everything around me is dark, quiet, cold and lifeless... that's when I'm vulnerable and the demons stir.

    Anyway, glad you made it through all that.
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just checking in to see how you are doing now...all the best, J
     
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