This goes two ways: - I've had enough of giving and giving and not getting back - I've had enough of placing myself last on the list of priorities I just realised with a sad-but-true feeling why I'm so alone, tired, fragile, frustrated: I take care of everybody with the biggest smile I can manage. I take care of my husband for all his needs...all his needs. I take care of my emotionally fragile mother as best I can, making sure that she's loved and taken care of. I take care of everybody else's feelings and often see how they get short-ended by other people. I was very young when I realised I had a sixth sense for seeing when somebody was getting shafted emotionally and immediately felt compelled to plug the hole thoughtless people left. I do it so well that everybody knows they feel better after having visited or just phoned. I also like making people feel better. I am almost never in the position to solve their troubles or fix a hurt, but often I can bring perspective or just make them laugh...the best medicine. Is it wrong to want someone like that for myself? Someone I can phone or go visit who can plug the hole or bring perspective? Friday I was told that I have bad endometriosis again. The endometrial cells have travelled through my body and attached themselves to other major organs. The Doctor suspects they are in my chest and also attacking my pancreas. They will be doing scopes and tests ad scans to determine where the cells are so that they can remove them in one go when they operate. The news was distressing to me. We have been trying to get pregnant. I have undergone fertility treatments and believe me they are not for the fainthearted. My husband's reaction was that we finally found what is wrong with you. We will fix it now. I haven't even gotten a hug. I'm past tired. I'm emotionally, spiritually, physically a husk. I'm on auto-pilot. The best I could do was to tell my husband that I seriously need support and a good holiday away from everything. He keeps asking me if it would be okay if we spent it at home painting and cleaning and patching up the house. NO! I need time away. I told him this so many times. Eventually I compromised and said we can go away for a week and come back to work on the house...he still has to give me an answer on the request for support. Now I'm posting here again. You Guys can't hug me or take me for coffee, or a comedy show and wipe my tears after. The best you can do is post a heart-felt response saying you're thinking of me. I don't even know you. After everything I've done for everybody around me I must admit I'm losing my faith in Karma. I have to face the obvious question, maybe one you are asking: but are you a bad person in other ways? Do I fall short in other areas and therefore do not deserve the love and support I require? Chances are, coming Monday morning I'm going to make an appointment with somebody who I can pay to listen to me. I will pay for the support. Sad. On a lighter note, I think this is how people become super villeins (sorry for the spelling, not sure). I am past asking who cares. The answer is Nobody apparently. I very clearly have to change my approach to life. If anybody has some suggestions, please please post them to me. And sorry for the rant.