Had enough

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fraction, Mar 7, 2011.

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  1. Fraction

    Fraction New Member

    My girlfriend broke up with since before chirstmas.

    We have been on and off and there have been times when she has begged for me to come back.

    I had to come out to my parents about us and it has ruined me relationship with them.-Not that my relationship with them was ever amazing to begin with.

    My exgirlfriend built me up for 6 years with encouragement and love and now she's leaving me.

    A few days ago she had a nervouse break down about not doing her dissertation on time. I got her an extention and we held each other crying. She's on new medication permantly which is making her act weird though she won't admit it.

    We still live together and sometimes everything is great and I feel like we're getting closer and closer and then she dumps me the next day. I can't move out and if I did I think it would kill me. I think also I got pity sex for my birthday we have been having sex and she even sometimes says it might work out. But that time was different and she upset me so much I didn't want anything but we did it anyway just because I was so desperate to have her.

    She is misrable and unhappy all the time since we broke up and when I pointed this out she says nothing.

    I am trying to find out who I am but when I do I find half of me is missing with out her. I'm trying to move forward and do another degree so I could be a teacher and guess what the goverment is taking the funding away for it. I've worked so hard and now I won't even be able to achieve in my life by myself, I have worked so very very hard for it and now all for nothing? I used this as a distraction and now it's gone. I don't even see the reason for finishing my current degree now this ones being taken away.

    I had to take the train for five hours yesterday and all I could think was "what am I going home too" "whats the point" "I'm only living for my friends and my family, not myself god I'm so unhappy" everyone says I'm a stronge person I'm not and maybe I was but not now this is the last straw.

    My girlfriend gave me a knife when she was crying about her essay and failing University. I'm thinking of using it if not I think I might do something much much worse. I just there is no point I'm not interested in what other people think or making everyone else happy I'm turned 21 five days ago and I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore.

    And I can't tell her because I don't want to guilt her into this relationship.
  2. Hey man,

    It seems like there are a lot of difficult feelings going on for you right now, and I don't know if this will help. But did you say you were living with her? Sometimes being too close together all the time can make things worse. Maybe a couple of days of space to clear the air will help you both out. Especially if you find out you miss each other. As far as the schooling goes, I dropped out very close to the end, and regret it to this day. If you're near finishing something up, I say go for it. It won't hurt you in the long run. You will always find something new you can work on if it doesn't work out.

    I hope things get better for you. God bless.
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    The best thing you can do is move out. I was in a situation where we were still living together after we broke up and I was kidding myself that we could still work things out. It hurt all the more when he then was on dating sites meeting up with people. Get out on your own terms while you still have some sense of pride. It will only make things worse in the long run if you don't get out now.

    Also if things are meant to work out between you then it will you will see that having moved out. Give each other some space for a while and see how things go. The thought of something can be a whole lot worse than the reality it's self and you may surpirise yourself.

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