Had enough

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mpt-kate, Mar 8, 2012.

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  1. mpt-kate

    mpt-kate New Member

    I feel as though my whole life has been a pointless waste of time. I have had numerous opportunities in life but have never done anything or progressed due to lack of confidence. I had a rubbish childhood & at 30 it is still holding me back, which in itself just proves what a waste of space I am.
    I have a great well-paid job despite no education, a lovely husband & a gorgeous baby but I just want my life to end. I dislike myself to the point where I can't take it anymore. I want my husband to meet someone who can give my daughter a great life, and not a mother who cries all the time or harms herself.
    We are both in the Army & don't live near family or close friends, that doesn't bother me just the thought of my daughter being on her own when I do decide to take the plunge. I love her with all my heart but she deserves better, i'm not good enough for her or my husband.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think your daughter loves you very much and would miss you terrible if you left She would be very sad and would feel that sadness forever hun I hope you do whatever it takes to get you feeling stronger and well hun Your deserve that hugs
     
  3. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    Hi Kate, what happened in your childhood that's making you so depressed? I have the same problem, sometimes I can push it out of my thoughts but one way or another it's always holding me back. Maybe it'll help if you talk about it - I'm here to listen if you want to. You say you haven't done or accomplished anything but joining the Army isn't nothing, it takes a lot guts! Most people can only dream of being as brave as you.

    But I just want to let you know first and foremost that you are the one and only mother for your child. If you did decide to end it all your daughter would always remember you as mom regardless of who your husband brought into her life - no one can be a mother to her except you and once you're gone it will always be an empty place in her heart, regardless of who steps in to play that role. Because that's all they could ever do, play, it would never be the same as having a real mom. I think your daughter would rather have you around with the prospect of getting better than growing up and feeling abandoned because you decided that it was best for her. You want your daughter to have a great life but that isn't possible without you in it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 9, 2012
  4. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    What makes you think your not good enough? You have to believe in yourself honey and try to get some of that confidence back :) Then maybe you will find the right path that will lead you home!
     
  5. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    It can't be completely holding you back- see all that you have achieved- you have a good job, and a lovely husband and daughter. You are the best and only mother in the universe to your daughter. You have so much worth holding on to. Like so many people, you have depression, and its clouding the way you see things, making you far too hard on yourself. get treatment, you have everything to live for, the world would definitely be a worse place without you. there is a way and you will find it. keep talking on here. all the best.
     
  6. I somewhat know how you're feeling in the aspect about wanting everything to be better for everyone else. I graduated early from high school and am currently at a university. The first one in my family to start at a university instead of a community college actually, but I feel as if I have wasted everybody's time and money. All of the financial aid and the scholarships could have gone to someone worthy. I'm not worthy of anything. I don't deserve anything I have and all I do is mess everything up. It's my mom's birthday today and I want to end my life so much. She doesn't deserve a daughter who self mutilates, tries to kill herself, and who takes so much time, money, space, and emotional support. It'd be better for everyone if I wasn't here. They'll be happier because they deserve better. I'm sorry if this doesn't help you much. We're on here to try to help each other not harm ourselves, but if we plan to hurt ourselves or end our lives it won't matter to the person. They won't take the advice and the reassurance that something good might happen to them and soon to stop the want and need to end it. But you have a daughter and a husband, that counts for something. You're loved deeply by them because they haven't left and I highly doubt that they will leave you. They've been there for you this far. They love you and they want you to stay in their lives. Alive. It's pretty contradicting for me to tell you that you deserve to live and that you have good things going for you because I think the exact opposite of myself. But you made it to 30. That counts for so much. I hope you make it so much further.

    - Wendy
     
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